Please be the Gilbert to my Anne, the Wesley to my Buttercup?

I’ve been watching Anne of Green Gables for three days and I started reading the books again as well.  As with random things in life, it got to me. BIG TIME.
I started thinking about the girl I was when Ryan and I married… I compared her to who I have become and I am not satisfied.  I think the moment that Isaac was born I lost myself… not only did I have a baby, I spent almost 2 of the next 3 years alone, and, with the birth of my son, I got sick… and I kicked into survival mode… I feel as if I have never left.  

In the middle of the night I messaged Ryan.  I was in shock when I woke this morning and read it.  I decided to share it because it has so much truth in it… and I feel like maybe some of these truths don’t just apply to us.
“It’s after midnight and I can’t sleep.
I have been lonelier for you these past three days than any other day you’ve been gone since Isaac was born. I’ve been in survival mode for far too long and I’m scared to death it will simply become our norm.  
I want to love you passionately. I want to know every single day that my life is not, and can not be, mundane simply because you are in it. I don’t want to forget why we are together or sweep our love for each other under the rug because it’s safe and we have bigger things to worry about, only to find it gone when we go looking. 
I want to miss you every day not just because my work without you is more but because I’m missing a part of me that went with you. 
I want to be barely able to keep my hands off of you when we’re together and feel as if you feel the same. 
I want our extraordinary love story to stay strange and real and NOT NORMAL. 
I don’t want a rut, I want “As you wish” 
I don’t want a white picket fence, I want “Swords drawn against the world” 
I want to be Anne and Gilbert through all the long years.
Most importantly, I want Isaac to know he was the product of THAT love not the dampener of it… or worse, for him to never know we felt that way once.
I love you with all of my heart and I want to learn to live that again.”
Truth… every word.  
Time to get to work… 
Courtney
Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Please be the Gilbert to my Anne, the Wesley to my Buttercup?

  1. I very recently wrote a letter like this to Chuck. It is SO hard, isn't it, to keep the passion alive. It's not even a bad marriage many times, just. . . without passion. . . I GET this post because it's my heart too. Thank you for sharing. I know how ot pray for you. I love you

  2. It is hard… our life is never constant, never routine, we love each other… truly. Our marriage has never been loveless… but I just feel as if we've lost the passion of it. The spark that makes us so different and so beautiful with each other. I don't want habit to take the place of friendship.

  3. I wanted to introduce myself briefly. We have some mutual friends from Xanga. I’m a mother of 2 children and just got remarried on September 14. I wanted to comment on this post because I’ve felt this way before, but with my ex-husband, the work was never put in on his end, so the loss of passion turned into the loss of love on my end. I think it is wonderful that you’re comfortable communicating your true feelings to your husband. That is a great testament to your marriage that you’re able to openly talk about those hard subjects without fighting. Hopefully you don’t mind me following you and we can get to know each other. You have a lovely way with words. 🙂

    • Thank you very much for your kind comment. I don’t mind getting to know you one bit! It’s been a while since I’ve blogged regularly but I’m going to do my best to get back into the swing of things. I wish you all the best in your new marriage and can’t wait to get to know you! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s