Game Change…

Military life dictates that at the drop of a hat your whole life can change… again…  I always expect it and I am always caught off guard. I suppose I have yet to perfect my “ever vigilant” stance.

We had a game change mid day…

We will all be on a plane next week (it was supposed to be last week but the wheels grind slowly) 

Ryan will have two weeks to get us settled and say his goodbyes. 

Then he will return to Turkey… alone… for the remainder of his tour.  This will include a deployment.

We are now back to living with my parents and expecting to see him sometime in January if everything goes through and there are no more surprises. 

I’m struggling with all the changes… and I’ll admit that I’m disappointed.  I had made my peace with a long separation… then they said we wouldn’t be apart for more than a few months and I let myself (I KNOW BETTER) get comfortable with that… and now it’s time to pay the piper.

There are more details and reasons than I understand or have time to go into… but this is final (as final as anything can be)

We would as always appreciate any prayers and I’ll be seeing you from America soon!


I’m surprised that I’m surprised.

If you’ve already seen this on Facebook I apologize… what a crazy week it’s been!

We found out on Friday night that the Air Force has decided to not only ERD (early release of dependents) Isaac and I home, but to also put us on the EFMP (Exceptional Family Member Program) There are a lot of ramifications of this, most of which I don’t understand and therefore can not explain… But here is the immediate fall out.

Ryan is escorting Isaac and I home immediately (Probably in the next week but at this point we STILL don’t have a date) so that I can get treatment.  He will then return to Turkey, pack out our house, ship our car, move into the dorms and wait while the paperwork goes through.  The EFMP codes me for certain care and affects profoundly where we can and can not be assigned.  So in a matter of weeks we will have a new assignment.  Ryan’s assignment here will be curtailed and we will immediately PCS (Permanent Change of Station) to a new base.

They are going to try to station us at Luke AFB in Phoenix.  We get to pick one base that we have a justification to be stationed at and as Phoenix is the ONLY base we have justification for (Family support system, the one doctor that has successfully treated my illness, the location of my gastric bypass surgeon) it’s the base we chose.  With these justifications we have about a 50% chance of being given this assignment.  When you consider the sheer amount of bases, 50% chance to go to ONE is a pretty good chance.  If they can not find a place for us at Luke we will be stationed at the first base they have a position for Ryan and the correct medical facilities for me. 

And so begins yet another season of waiting…   We SHOULD have orders in a few weeks so that we know where we are going, we SHOULD know by the end of today when we will be on a plane out of here… but it’s the Air Force and things change at the drop of a hat!

I’ll try to keep you updated!

Do you know what I miss?  Drama free life… not that it was ever 100% drama free… but on December 28th of 2011 things blew up in my face with a phone call and it’s been DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA ever since.  If I tell people just a little bit of our story they’re jaws drop and I feel like a total drama queen!  🙂



Living with a chronic illness that causes severe muscle and joint pain, exhaustion, dizziness, and weakness (especially when it is not being correctly treated) can make being the kind of mom I want to be difficult.  There are days when all I want to do is sit on the couch, unmoving, until I can reasonably go to bed again.  I have a two year old that has no off button, so that’s not an option.

I waited for so long to be a mother, I struggled and prayed, I filled nights with weeping… When I learned that Isaac was on his way my heart was overjoyed…

I’ll admit to you that sometimes I feel horribly cheated.  Cheated that God allowed me to wait and suffer for ten years for a child, and at the very threshold of motherhood He allowed my body to betray me in a way that makes it almost impossible for me to be the mother I so desperately wanted to be for all of those years.

I know God has a plan, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He has a plan for my life… I’ll be the very first to admit that I have no idea what the silver lining is in all of this.  But I know there must be, because my God is ever faithful. 

I heard a song today that I haven’t listened to since the first months of Isaac’s life.  It meant something so different to me then… now it has a more profound impact on my heart.  Because, no matter how sick and tired I am, no matter how short my fuse, no matter how badly I just want to go back to bed… I can’t.  And my beautiful, smart, funny, amazing, miracle of a son is the reason.

No matter how tired I am I can not help but rejoice.

Me by Plumb

I haven’t had a chance to sleep
And when I wake, I wake with your dreams
I guess, my pillow holds some kind of key
To your peace, your peace

Me, I wouldn’t trade your love
For all the candy in this great big world
Me, I feel so crazy blessed and oh, so lucky
To be the place you go when you need to feel safe
When you need a kiss, it’s me

I haven’t showered and I try to eat
But all your tears, oh, they needed me
I need some time, some time to think
Then I hear you, what you need is

Me, I wouldn’t trade your love
For all the candy in this great big world
Me, I feel so crazy blessed and oh, so lucky
To be the place you go, I’ll wash your face
To make room for all the kisses of tomorrow
And everyday that I get to be here with you is sweet

Me, I wouldn’t trade your love
For all the candy in this great big world
Me, I feel so crazy blessed and oh, so lucky
To be the place you go when you need to feel safe
When you need a kiss, oh, don’t be afraid
‘Cause what you’ll have is me