As the months creep by…

I miss being here… It’s not even about time… it’s energy… I don’t have any.

I’m the sickest I have ever been… It turns out that this Chronic Iron Deficient Anemia is rare and brand new.  Iron Deficient Anemia is nothing new… many women suffer from it after pregnancy and it can be corrected by a diet change, a short term supplement course and in extreme cases the IV infusions that are my life now…  It an easily corrected issue that for the most part does not return.

And then there’s me.

My illness is chronic.  That means that they can get me up to a level with extreme treatments, I maintain that level for a short time, and then my levels begin to fall.  As of right now I’m on a rescue plan.  This means they wait for me to fall to rock bottom and then give the the treatments and we start all over again.  This means that for about 6 months of every year I feel like crap.  Because, along with the tiredness my other symptoms include; weakness, dizziness, severe muscle pain, joint pain, seriously impaired equilibrium, queasiness, and exhaustion… along with a myriad of other issues. 

It took me forever to get in to see the doctor this time and once I finally did I was in for a shock.

She walked in and did not touch me.  She didn’t take my temperature, my blood pressure, my heart rate, nothing.  She said, “I have one question… Why are you here!?  How did you get here?!”

She went on to say that they had no way to treat me and my condition, that my care plan was ridiculous as it does not actually improve my health but barely maintains it and they can’t do it here anyway, and that the treatments I received last summer were not even correct to my care plan. She got all upset and treated me like I had pushed and finagled the system to get here… When I told her how it had unfolded she was livid.  The next words were…

“I am giving you an immediate ERD. (Early release of dependants) Your command sponsorship will be revoked. (This means Ii couldn’t even stay if I wanted to.) You will not wait for the paperwork to go through, you will be on the next rotator out of Turkey.  You will be Q coded so that this never happens again.”  (That means that we can never again be stationed overseas or at a small base without the proper care facilities.)

When I told her that Ryan had to leave for a class she cleared me to wait until he was home as she insisted that I was too sick to travel alone (Thank the Lord… seriously) but then we had to be out.  She wants the name of my doctor in AZ and will immediately arrange treatment. 

So, Isaac and I will be leaving Turkey in a matter of a few weeks… Ryan will escort us home to AZ and then say his goodbyes… for 13 months.  He will return to Turkey to pack out our house, ship us home our car, and then he will deploy to downrange and we’ll see him again in April, when he comes to pick us up to move to our next duty station.  We will find out where that will be sometime in December of this year.

It’s good and bad… it’s scary and a relief… I can’t even begin to tell you how bad living here has become… and I want to feel better so badly.  I don’t ever again want to here my son say,

“”Momma, when daddy comes home, will you go to the doctor so you won’t be sick anymore and won’t be nasty or frustrated ever again?”

I want to get well… and I want a proper maintenance plan so that I feel better all the time…  A doctor would NEVER treat a diabetes patient or a heart patient like this… You don’t treat a chronic illness until the person is well and then take them off of those meds… You maintain a level that gives them quality of life.  That is my goal…

We would, as always, appreciate your prayers… I’m going to try to come back to Xanga again. I miss the interactions and the relationships I’ve made here are lasting and deep. 

Will all my love, until next we meet,



12 thoughts on “As the months creep by…

  1. Oh Courtney!  Wow!  I had NO idea things were this bad for you!  I would have been praying more!  I’ll start praying immediately.  I’m so sorry, friend!  Love you!!  And I LOVE the picture and caption at the top.  So incredibly emotional!

  2. Oh Courtney. I am so, so sorry to hear all of this. I haven’t prayed for you as I ought but will change that starting TODAY. Once you’re stateside, will you have to live at your parents though? That part really concerns me. . .  :/  When life has settled down, let’s try to connect via phone once again in life, ok? I’ve missed you. I love you

  3. Thank you so much for your prayers they are as always SERIOUSLY appreciated.  I will be living with mom and dad but things will be a little different this time… I’ll have a small upstairs apartment at the cabin and the guest house in Phoenix.  I’ll message you…We should definitely connect again when I’m stateside…  I miss you too!

  4. Oh my gosh girl, I’m so sorry about the health complications you are going through.  I can’t beleive the way you have been treated (or, NOT been treated, more accurately)!  I have never heard of a disease like this, but I pray that your doctors in AZ can get you feeling much, much better!

  5. Thank God I’m starting to open  my sub emails. I’m not reading them daily, but I’m scanning them a few times a week. I just can’t stand not knowing how some of my Xanga friends are. I thought I was up to date because we’re connected on FB. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I knew you lost your overseas status, but I had no idea how hellish your everyday life had become. I knew it was health related, but had no idea. I feel like a jerk in my cluelessness, and now I feel like I get it. Thank God you’ll be around family until you can reunite with Ryan. Thank God your Turkey doctor knew you needed help to travel home. I can’t picture you handling your little boy through international travel ALONE. Please know that my heart has been touched in the deepest place upon learning what you’re really dealing with. That means God is calling me to pray. Only He gets things into this deep spot, and he’ll keep “bugging” me to keep me praying. I hope you do come back to Xanga. And I hope I get to have a real comeback. I might…I caught myself composing a few posts. Not that I actually wrote them. Heck if I know what they were on anymore, but it was last week. Our community here is something to be cherished, and is an encouragement. Are you connected at all with Jacob, Ancient_Scribe ? He’s an amazing encouragement and source of prayer. He’s on less these days because he’s in his first year of teaching school, but he’s still on and still wonderful. I highly recommend a connection if you aren’t already. I’m holding you in my heart because I can’t run to you and hug you, my friend.

  6. Wow. I’m so glad you finally found someone who wants to really help you get the right care. Hope your move back to the states is as easy as possible!

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