As the months creep by…

I miss being here… It’s not even about time… it’s energy… I don’t have any.

I’m the sickest I have ever been… It turns out that this Chronic Iron Deficient Anemia is rare and brand new.  Iron Deficient Anemia is nothing new… many women suffer from it after pregnancy and it can be corrected by a diet change, a short term supplement course and in extreme cases the IV infusions that are my life now…  It an easily corrected issue that for the most part does not return.

And then there’s me.

My illness is chronic.  That means that they can get me up to a level with extreme treatments, I maintain that level for a short time, and then my levels begin to fall.  As of right now I’m on a rescue plan.  This means they wait for me to fall to rock bottom and then give the the treatments and we start all over again.  This means that for about 6 months of every year I feel like crap.  Because, along with the tiredness my other symptoms include; weakness, dizziness, severe muscle pain, joint pain, seriously impaired equilibrium, queasiness, and exhaustion… along with a myriad of other issues. 

It took me forever to get in to see the doctor this time and once I finally did I was in for a shock.

She walked in and did not touch me.  She didn’t take my temperature, my blood pressure, my heart rate, nothing.  She said, “I have one question… Why are you here!?  How did you get here?!”

She went on to say that they had no way to treat me and my condition, that my care plan was ridiculous as it does not actually improve my health but barely maintains it and they can’t do it here anyway, and that the treatments I received last summer were not even correct to my care plan. She got all upset and treated me like I had pushed and finagled the system to get here… When I told her how it had unfolded she was livid.  The next words were…

“I am giving you an immediate ERD. (Early release of dependants) Your command sponsorship will be revoked. (This means Ii couldn’t even stay if I wanted to.) You will not wait for the paperwork to go through, you will be on the next rotator out of Turkey.  You will be Q coded so that this never happens again.”  (That means that we can never again be stationed overseas or at a small base without the proper care facilities.)

When I told her that Ryan had to leave for a class she cleared me to wait until he was home as she insisted that I was too sick to travel alone (Thank the Lord… seriously) but then we had to be out.  She wants the name of my doctor in AZ and will immediately arrange treatment. 

So, Isaac and I will be leaving Turkey in a matter of a few weeks… Ryan will escort us home to AZ and then say his goodbyes… for 13 months.  He will return to Turkey to pack out our house, ship us home our car, and then he will deploy to downrange and we’ll see him again in April, when he comes to pick us up to move to our next duty station.  We will find out where that will be sometime in December of this year.

It’s good and bad… it’s scary and a relief… I can’t even begin to tell you how bad living here has become… and I want to feel better so badly.  I don’t ever again want to here my son say,

“”Momma, when daddy comes home, will you go to the doctor so you won’t be sick anymore and won’t be nasty or frustrated ever again?”

I want to get well… and I want a proper maintenance plan so that I feel better all the time…  A doctor would NEVER treat a diabetes patient or a heart patient like this… You don’t treat a chronic illness until the person is well and then take them off of those meds… You maintain a level that gives them quality of life.  That is my goal…

We would, as always, appreciate your prayers… I’m going to try to come back to Xanga again. I miss the interactions and the relationships I’ve made here are lasting and deep. 

Will all my love, until next we meet,

Courtney