Good morning,

I can’t believe it’s been almost a week since my last…  The days are just spinning away from me in a fog of sleep and sickness…

First of all I would like to make it very clear that I AM NOT COMPLAINING! 

I have never in my life been thrilled to be sick but honestly after 9 years of infertility, and 3 heartbreaking losses I find great comfort in being so sick and so tired!  Every normal sign of pregnancy is to be greatly rejoiced in and I AM. 

BUT…  I have never felt this sick in my whole life.  For almost a solid month now (beginning with my time in Phoenix) my life has consisted of being so tired that my one goal for the whole day is to get a shower and be presentable before Ryan comes home from work.  (The sad thing is I don’t always succeed!)  To be honest I’m sleeping about 9 hours a night and napping on the couch during the day for 3 or 4 hours on and off.  I’m exhausted!  Poor Ryan has had to really pick up my slack around here… not so much because I’m tired but because every time I stand up I start dry heaving…

Prepare for a little too much information.  Most, if not all, of you know that I had a Ruen Y Gastric Bypass Surgery almost 5 years ago now.  One peculiar side effect that I had not really anticipated is that I CAN’T THROW UP!  I know it’s gross but I’m just going to give you the physical reasons why.  I don’t have a normal stomach anymore… oh my original stomach is still there but it’s connected to my digestive system in a much different way now.  As a result there is literally no way for me to throw up unless I’ve eaten in the last 20 to 30 minutes, I can’t even get bile.  This mean that when I get so queasy that I just can’t ‘hold it down’ anymore I run to a sink or toilet just like anyone else… I heave and heave and pop blood vessels in my face… my eyes and nose run… I can’t breath… ect.  BUT it doesn’t help.  There isn’t a moment of relief.  After all is said and done I’m just as queasy as ever.  So all that to say that if I’m up I’m heaving and if I’m down I’m sleeping. 

The VERY good news in all of that is this…  I never have to brush my teeth a second time!  (Gross I know) Also I don’t have to worry about not getting enough nutrition since I’m not um… losing anything I’m eating.

So all of that to say this.  I miss you guys!  I read all your comments and intend to comment back, I try to keep up on your posts but to be honest I’m so worn out between the regular exhaustion and the physical toll that dry heaving all day long takes on my body that being on here is just too much work.  Other than a few minutes on Facebook in the evenings when the symptoms start to let up just to make sure my family has a little news from me, I’m not on much.  I think about writing almost every day.  I think about things to write and pictures to share and I have even had a number of crazy dreams about some of you and things I want to write about but in reality I come every day and think “one more day won’t make that much of a difference I’ll just write tomorrow” and then a week has passed again.

So, please forgive me for my absence… it seems as if Xanga is always the thing to give… I MISS IT!  I miss writing, I miss interacting with all of you, I miss YOU! 

On a happier note… I’m really hoping to feel better soon.  I really want to cook a good Thanksgiving dinner for Ryan and I… I want to decorate the house for Christmas right after dinner and then I want to spend that extended weekend cleaning out the office and turning that room into a nursery!  So hopefully I’ll be back in no time with plenty to share… 

All my love and thoughts and prayers, I promise I’m with you in spirit if nothing else at the moment,


 P.S.  There were two things I shared on Facebook that I didn’t here and I would like to. 

1) Ryan got to march in the Veteran’s Day Parade here in town yesterday.  He said it was a great experience.  There were sections of active duty military, tons of retired Veterans, ROTC with a float, old cars that carried the towns big wigs, three marching bands and the whole kit and caboodle.  They had a ceremony at exactly 11am at the end of the parade.  He said it was a great experience.

I was supposed to go, but I was feeling so sick yesterday morning… I tried to get ready and just couldn’t in time so I missed it.  I’m in mourning because I wanted so badly to take pictures!  He promised me that he’ll volunteer for next year.  That way I can hightail it out there with our almost 6 month old baby in a stroller and we can watch daddy march and wave our little flags and I’ll get some great pictures!

2)  I have to brag for five seconds.  I made two Pumpkin Cheesecakes for the office on Tuesday.  (Up and baking for an hour was an adventure let me tell you!) They were having an auction to raise money for the squadron functions coming up.  My two cheesecakes brought in $70 bucks!  I was shocked!!!  The entire auction brought in $680 bucks.  What a fundraiser!!!

And here’s one thing I didn’t say on Facebook.  Remember before I left for Phoenix?  I cooked for weeks and filled the freezer for Ryan?  I have never in my life been so grateful for my OCD!!!  I’ve only had to cook dinner once since I’ve been home there was so much food.  Poor Ryan… he’s got to be getting sick of what’s in there by now!!!

11 thoughts on “Discombobulated

  1. I rejoice with you and I sympathize for you, all at the same time. I hope and pray this is first trimester struggles only so you can enjoy the pregnant moments when that baby starts kicking and rolling away. I am praying for you. I love you

  2. oh Courtney that sounds soooo miserable. i remember being sooooo nauseated but not being able to puke at all…not even heaving…I would gag once then go back to being insanely nauseous lol…this is the hardest part of pregnancy besides labor. you WILL get through this! and i rejoice that you have these symptoms bc that means you have a healthy little “laubester!!”

  3. I respectfully disagree with the above commenter=that sounds way worse than labor!  🙂  🙂  I honestly want to be sorry, but I am just so thrilled you are pregnant.  If it lasts beyond the first trimester, then I will be REALLY, REALLY sorry!  Mine ended at 13 weeks.  A friend of mine had hers til 15 weeks.  I really pray yours is almost over!  A couple more weeks of terror!  I remember feeling like a totally new person once that first trimester ended!  🙂  The midwife said you can more easily feel your baby if you are on your tummy. I am sure I felt our daughter around 12 weeks, and I’ve absolutely felt this baby already as well.  I hope that will be the case for you.  Start paying attention to the gas feeling NOW, and you’ll be more sure in a few weeks that it’s the baby and “not gas” as people like to say!I did not cook much in the first tri either…but my freezer was empty.  You are always the model wife. 🙂

  4. I puked 24/7 from weeks 6-12.  It was miserable.  I tried hard not to complain though, because I had longed to be pregnant so badly.  I hear you, girl.  I really do!I had no idea all of the happenings inside your stomach after surgery and not being able to puke!  Ugh!I’m still so happy for you.  Soooo so so happy!

  5. It’s so amazing that pregnancy is the one time we can find ourselves being grateful for being so uncomfortable. Hopefully the sickness will settle and you can enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy. 

  6. Don’t feel bad about complaining. After dealing with the guilt of not wanting to complain because of infertility I feel like I can say that I hate that it robs us of that right. (Not sure if that made sense or not). I’m so sorry you are feeling sick, but like the other girls have mentioned at least its a sickness worth celebrating. Praise the Lord for this blessing!!

  7. You can’t apologize for the miracle that is happening in your body right now! You are blessed!! With Kelsie I was sick for three months straight and then it stopped and I was fine for the last six months. With Wendy I was sick 24/7 for 9 months straight. It was a horrible feeling. With Grayson, it was just occasional but nothing major. I hope you will feel better soon….but if it takes the entire nine months to feel better….so bet it! lol Love you!

  8. What a blessing to be preggo, and as you mentioned the fact that you are having all these symptoms does mean your progressing….still it can’t be easy feeling so sick. You will definatly be in my prayers. *many hugs*

  9. What a blessing that you cooked all of that food before you left on your trip!  I’m so glad that has been there for you to fall back on these past few weeks! You poor thing, not being able to throw up and just being miserable all the time!  I can’t imagine!  I hope you are feeling MUCH better soon so you can really enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!  Still praying for you all the time!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s