He’s gone.

Here I am, standing on the edge of the flight line watching as my husband stands at attention for role call.  I stand here drinking in the sight of him so proud of him for his sacrifices. He stands so tall and straight with such dignity, sometimes it hits me out of nowhere just who my husband is.  My knight in dingy camos. 

Moments later I’m in his arms.  That last long hug before he gets on the plane, the sweetest moment, the most tender touch.  There is nothing quite like it.  I stand here with his arms wrapped around me smelling him.  Funny how I never notice how wonderful he smells until this last hug.  Funny how in this moment I wish I could stand here and breath in forever, so that I never forget.  Standing here my heart is breaking as he once again gets ready to let me go. 

That last kiss so sweet and yet so painful.  The desperation for my lips to never separate from his.  Tears stream down my face even though I promised myself that today I would not cry, I would not let him see just how much his walking away tears at me.  Today seems so much harder than any other goodbye has ever been, and I just can’t stop the tears.  All around me there are other wives, saying their goodbyes, whispering I love you, but this moment is just for us.  He smiles, wipes away a tear and leans in to kiss my forehead…

And then he is walking away, his bag over his shoulder, he throws me one last glance and smiles that smile that melts my heart and I wonder if anyone would think I was crazy if I ran to him and begged him to just stay home.  Why should I have to be alone here when he is my everything? 

And then he is gone…  just gone.  He is on his way to fulfill his duty… to make this world a little safer.  I’m left here to feel the vacuum his leaving has left in my life.  Goodbye is the hardest word for me to say.  It is the hardest word for me to live….

God please keep him safe.


Did you know that ‘August’ is the latin word for eternity?  At least that’s how it feels today.

I’ll be back another day to write more… when I can breath again.


32 thoughts on “

  1. 😦  I’m sorry to hear he’s gone this soon!  And this must be so much worse being in another country away from family and hard to make friends.  But we’re all here for you… if you ever need to talk just let me know.  ~hugs~

  2. Tears in my eyes too… You’ve been in my prayers lately, not quite knowing what to pray, but I know God knows exactly what you need for today. May His arms encircle you with love and hope. Love ya, my friend.

  3. My heart is broken for you. I can’t imagine how it feels to send him off to do his military duty. I find it hard enough to send mine out on the road every week to drive a truck. You should be VERY proud…he is a respected man.

  4. My dear friend… what words can be said that will truly comfort.  I am thankful for the sacrifice that your husband (and you) make for our country and our world.  You are in my prayers and I pray that August is here before you know it.  Praying for safety for Ryan and peace for you.  Love you!  ((Hugs))

  5. (((HuGs)))!!!
    It will take some time, but it will get easier…ehhh..more tolerable. Hang in there! And take your time to ‘grieve’ b/c that’s alot like what it feels like!
    We are here for you!!
    And he is in my prayers!

  6. I love you both, and of course you are in my thoughts, always. Ryan will be home sooner than you will believe. And he will be safe. I know this in my heart. Fill your time as best you can with books and yarn projects and gardening (when the warmth comes that is). You will survive this, and you will thrive. Hugs.Love-Snow

  7. oh courtney…my heart goes out to you and I am praying for you and your hubby my friend!  I pray that while he is gone, that God will give you amazing peace and comfort and fill you with so much of His love.  I pray for a wonderful quick safe return of your hubby to you!  Do you know when he is coming home?  Please know your in my prayers…I love you dear friend and I wish I could have stopped your hubby from going so he could be with you but I thank him for helping our country and others!  

  8. oh courtney.  i have been away for awhile.  i didnt realize how quickly this was going to happen.  my prayers are with you and ryan.big hugsKelly

  9. I’m so sorry you had to let him go. Thank you for everything. I know it has to be incredibly hard to be in the service. My prayers are with you and yours. Ang

  10. praying for you hon. it must be so difficult having him have to go off for work and you have to wait for several months to see him. i’ll pray that God will protect him and his fellow army mates as they are off on this mission somewhere. i pray for you heart that God will hold you close to him, while your earthly husband can not be near. you are in my thoughts and prayers Courtney. i think you should have that picture framed of you to…its absolutely amazing and seems to encompass the heartbreak you are writing of here.

  11. i was just reading your ticker factory…awesome to see that your two friends are coming to see you, on in two weeks and one in five weeks. praise God that these girls can come and be there for you through all this.

  12. I am so sorry Courtney!  I am sitting here reading this with tears in my eyes.  I am still praying for you and your husband, and I will do so every day until he comes back.  I pray that the days will speed by and he will be kept safe.  I, too, want to say thank you for the sacrifice you two are making. 

  13. The Lord brought you to mind this morning. I was reminded of the wonderful times you have had recently with his parents and yours–you have so many wonderful memories to reflect upon while he is away!  You are so fortunate.  I lifted you both in prayer when the Lord brought you to mind.  I would like to second the thoughts of many who have said “thank you for your husband’s sacrifice and yours too”.  I will continue to pray for his safety daily while he is away.  Blessings~

  14. Oh Courtney,
    I don’t know how you were able to compose such a touching post, I cannot even imagine the pain you must be knowing right now. I don’t know how you let him go, I can only imagine the strength that took. The sacrifice you and Ryan (as well as others) make every day to keep our country safe and free is one I never take for granted.
    Just know that you and Ryan are in my thoughts and in my prayers.  ~Candy 

  15. Oh sweet Courtney…..*warmest hugs*.  Sweetheart I hope you don’t stray too far from us, take some comfort in knowing that we’re all heart to listen to any vents you throw our way.  I will keep you both in my prayers….

  16. I’m crying right along with you girl.  Goodbye has always been hard for me to say and I’ve never had to say in the way that you have.  Ryan is and will be in my prayers as will you.  We all owe men and women such as Ryan so much.  Ryan and people like him are the reason we’re able to live as we do and so many take that for granted.  My heart sends a big thank you to Ryan for the sacrifices that he’s made and also to you for the sacrifices that you’ve made.  Good Luck and God Speed Ryan!!  My prayers are with you both.

  17. Oh Courtney, my heart is breaking as I think of you going through this. I’ll be praying so hard for the both of you as you’re apart. For peace, for protection, for quick passing days.
    Love you!

  18. I subscribe to your Aunt’s site, Sulimb.  I gather that your husband is in the Army.  Mine is in the Army National Guard.  I would like to subscribe to you.  My Husband is to leave for the KFor10 mission to Kosovo in March.  Right now he is in School in Texas.  And just got news he might be in Advance Camp and leave the day after he gets back from School.  He has never been activated for this long out of country before.  I know you are young and I am older, but maybe we can still communicate on some level.  Because I too am having a hard time dealing with him leaving.  So if you would like to talk, I will listen; if you would like to cry, I will cry with you (because that is what I am doing right now).  I do understand and will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

  19. Your post took me back about 39 years, when I had to go to North Island in San Diego and see my hubby off on a cruise of the USS Ticonderoga CVA-14.  Vietnam was going on at the time.  He was gone for 8 and a half months and we were newlyweds.  We had only been married for 7 months when he left.  I spent my first wedding anniversary alone.  But they did walk on the moon in honor of it.  I had no way to know at the time, but we were both watching it live on television.  I from my living room and he on a TV on his ship.  It was hard to have him away, but I did survive it and so did he.  Peace to you, and the love and support of friends will get you through this.  Just think how joyous the reunion will be.  I predict great things from it!  You’ll see, God will reward you both!

  20. I will keep both of you in my prayers & wish him a safe return..Such a beautiful writing you posted above though..But my heart truely breaks for you b/c i have know idea how I would be able to do it…

  21. Hi Courtney, Just wanted to say that I understand how you feel.  Goodbye is so hard, and the wait seems so long.  But he will be back, and August isn’t that far away, I promise.  Enjoy this time that you have, don’t waste it ‘waiting’.
    Love Di x

  22. The way you wrote this made me “literally” feel like I was reliving that similiar moment many months ago. I think letting them, watching them take those steps away from us is the hardest thing you can ever do as a wife. It takes untold strength to keep your feet where they are and not run after them. It’s okay to cry. I like to pretend it’s a little business trip and he’ll be back soon. I know you knew what to expect but it doesn’t make it any easier. And so….I’ll be praying for a “Peace that surpasses ALL understanding”, for you as you go threw these next few days. And a safe return for your husband. Praying helps. *Much Love and Many Hugs*

  23. It took me several days before I could come back and read this.  It tears me  up inside.  I love my husband this much too and I know what it’s like when he’s gone.  I hope you’ll be able to make it through. *hugs* 

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