Here I am, standing on the edge of the flight line watching as my husband stands at attention for role call. I stand here drinking in the sight of him so proud of him for his sacrifices. He stands so tall and straight with such dignity, sometimes it hits me out of nowhere just who my husband is. My knight in dingy camos.
Moments later I’m in his arms. That last long hug before he gets on the plane, the sweetest moment, the most tender touch. There is nothing quite like it. I stand here with his arms wrapped around me smelling him. Funny how I never notice how wonderful he smells until this last hug. Funny how in this moment I wish I could stand here and breath in forever, so that I never forget. Standing here my heart is breaking as he once again gets ready to let me go.
That last kiss so sweet and yet so painful. The desperation for my lips to never separate from his. Tears stream down my face even though I promised myself that today I would not cry, I would not let him see just how much his walking away tears at me. Today seems so much harder than any other goodbye has ever been, and I just can’t stop the tears. All around me there are other wives, saying their goodbyes, whispering I love you, but this moment is just for us. He smiles, wipes away a tear and leans in to kiss my forehead…
And then he is walking away, his bag over his shoulder, he throws me one last glance and smiles that smile that melts my heart and I wonder if anyone would think I was crazy if I ran to him and begged him to just stay home. Why should I have to be alone here when he is my everything?
And then he is gone… just gone. He is on his way to fulfill his duty… to make this world a little safer. I’m left here to feel the vacuum his leaving has left in my life. Goodbye is the hardest word for me to say. It is the hardest word for me to live….
God please keep him safe.
Did you know that ‘August’ is the latin word for eternity? At least that’s how it feels today.
I’ll be back another day to write more… when I can breath again.