I just had the weirdest moment. I woke up at 5am, showered, dressed, came downstairs and baked scones for my husband’s breakfast and then packed him off to work with a thermos of Earl Grey tea and a bag of buttered scones. Um that’s a bit surreal don’t you think?
To everyone that commented on my last story, you are all so funny. As much as the trip home was abominable you should know that I have enough of a writers spirit in me that the horror of it has long passed, the anger has faded and I’m just thankful for an interesting experience to write about! I’ve been giggling like a loon about it behind my hand for days now…
And I must say in my defense… I am NEVER that placid about something so horrid. Don’t believe me? Just check out the comment my Aunt Susan left on the post!
“Pardon me while I laugh my booty off! Oh Courtney, why in the world would you put up with that kind of crap! Come on, tell the truth, you went off on her, didn’t you. Shhhh, I’m family, you can tell me…!”
See? I would normally try to strangle the insolent twirp! But…. You must remember my experiences up to this point. I was, quite frankly in a state of pure shock. I was more inclined to laugh at her than take her on. I was afraid that if I went off on her I would get arrested or have a full cavity search done … it was just that kind of day. So I held my tongue and swore to remember every moment of it! Not to mention I was afraid the Nuns would come after me! (I must say here that I have no idea if these nuns were Catholic or something else. I do not lump their behavior with the church. I know we all make mistakes and though they are supposed to be an example of love, aren’t we all supposed to be an example of that? I know I’m not always a shining example of love so I’ll just say that Nuns go through menopause too… So they can have a free pass here. I was freaked out, not really offended.) For your peace of mind though I have written a strongly worded, yet polite, letter of complaint to Delta airlines, they don’t get a free pass. I certainly didn’t. We’ll see if anything comes of it.
So what should I tell you about today… Hmmm…
I think this may be a very good day to talk about Vanity and Pride. Come on, you know it’s something that every one of us struggles with from time to time… Some more than most (mumbled under my breath while pointing a finger at myself…)
Ah vanity… You know the saying “Pride goethe before the fall.” ? Well I seem to be the walking billboard for that quote. Do you think I have something I need to work on?
Let’s just jump right in shall we? Feet first?
I love my feet. I always have. I think they have a pretty shape and my toenails are the kind that when painted everyone always notices my toes. And I will admit at the risk of being murdered by my family or God causing my feet to grow three inches, I have always been secretly proud that my feet aren’t overly large like the feet of many of the women in my family. (I probably shouldn’t have said that!) I don’t get a lot of chances to show them off in Germany where a good hot high in the summer is 62! So when I went home to Phoenix I didn’t allow myself to bring t-shirts or tennis shoes only nice tops and sandals. I refused to allow myself to fall into that rut where I wore only what was comfy because I was busy. I wanted to dress nice and feel pretty!
Well, I have this beautiful red long shirt that I paired with bell bottoms! (Made too look like sailor pants. Oh happy day! FYI: I love bell bottoms and I’m obsessed with sleeves. Anything that has big floaty pant legs or sleeves is my friend.) I also, just happen, to have these awesome red and white striped strappy sandals that I LOVE!
So I primped and polished. I gave myself a pedicure and painted my toenails in just the way that gets everyone to notice them and exclaim “Oh what cute shoes and I love your toenails… so cute!” You know, the way you dress when you want everyone to really SEE your feet.
My mom and I set off for a day of shopping. We had no obligations for the day, we were foot loose and fancy free! (No pun intended!) Imagine my shock when I stepped out of the car at the first store in a long 8 hour day of stores, looked down to admire my toes, and saw that my feet had become wooly mammoth feet!!! I shaved my big toes of course (we all do it and you know it!) but no one told me that you can have hobbit hair on your pinky toes! I mean I know my husband does, but me? GASP! (Okay to be fair we’re talking one very long and curly hair on my right pinky toe not really wooly mammoth but bad enough.)
I was mortified and a bit panicked. Of course, everyone I met the whole day just stared at my feet. I got what I wanted. Several ladies gave me the cute toenails comment and then (maybe I was just being sensitive here but I don’t think so) it was always followed by an awkward second or two of silence. It was torture to pretend I didn’t notice. I could just imagine the thoughts going through their heads.
“Whoa look at that hair!”
“I wonder if I should tell her, she has an out of control hair on her pinky toe?”
“Don’t laugh, don’t laugh!”
I know you’re laughing at me and my vanity but here comes the true irony.
I walked in the door back home, humbled by my day of trying to hide my feet and cursing myself for vanity. It had been a long hot day of desperately trying to call attention from my toes, with little success. But the moment the AC hit my face I realized…
I COULD HAVE PLUCKED IT!
Ah well of such is life…
So what lesson did I take from this? Was it to not have pride? Was it to not be vain? Was it to not wear sandals? No, no, no… It was to never assume that hair does not grow out of your pinky toes… I hope that my experience has served to stave off this humiliation for just one of you. If it has then it’s all been worth it. (Excuse me while I’m being sarcastic here… LOL)
And with that humiliating story that I just couldn’t help but write… I’m off to work on things around the house. My Inlaws will be here in Germany for a two week visit in only 8 DAYS!!!