Okay so “Huge thing going on in our life #4” is not quite ready to share yet and “Huge things going on in our lives #1 & 2” have no new news…
But there is a “Huge thing going on in our life #5!” Charly has asked me to be her co Matron of Honor along with her best friend (who is our cousin)! And Zach has asked Ryan to be his best man! We are so excited and so honored! Now we’re just working out the logistics of planning a bachelor party and bridal showers (thank goodness for my co Matron of Honor on this one because I could NOT do this alone!) from 6,000 miles away! Not to mention already thinking of toasts for the reception!
But since that news, as amazing as it is, only takes up a small paragraph, today you get to read about the insane dream I had about the upcoming wedding of Charly and Zach. (Which seems like an appropriate chaser to that news…)
We landed in Phoenix on the 6th of November, just 4 days before the wedding as planned. We were met at the airport by our families and promptly went back to my mom’s house to talk and catch up. We were sitting around laughing and having a great time when our baby sister, Becky, bursts into the room and yells…
“Charly! You’ll never guess! I just got you the sanctuary of Phoenix 1st to get married in and they are going to do a video and give you all the decorations and it’s all for free! The only catch is you have to get married on the 8th and your rehearsal will be tomorrow!”
Now I must quickly interject here that our baby sister got married at Phoenix 1st in April of this year. There were a few problems and annoyances, nothing big, but… well… let’s just say that Charly and Zach both swore that they would never marry there! Far too much trouble! So imagine our surprise when they jumped up and started doing a happy dance! Charly positively gushed and Ryan and I looked at each other with a dire sense of foreboding. But it was their wedding!
So the next morning dawns and we all get ready and rush around making last minute plans. That evening we all hurried to the church for the rehearsal. Imagine our surprise when we entered the building only to find it completely decorated, the pastor there, and every single wedding guest in attendance! Imagine our shock when we realized that something had gone wrong and this was the wedding!!! It became an instant madhouse!
We had brought all of the dresses and tuxes to be put in the brides room overnight so that we wouldn’t have to worry about them next day and so we were prepared but ready? I think not! Charly was about to go off with mom to get into her dress and suddenly I gasped and said,
“Charly, I don’t have a dress!”
(We had not been able to find one when I visited in September to help her plan so we decided I’d just find one when we came back. Which is insane!)
She looked at me with the dreamy little smile and said,
“Don’t worry I had dresses made for you girls!”
I breathed a sigh of relief and took the dress from her. As I unzipped the bag a shock wave of revulsion rolled over me. It was a taffeta gown that cut right above the breasts and had no shoulders but had long sleeves with little ruffles at the wrists. It was absolutely form fitting all the way to mid thigh and then had this horrible Tu Tu like appendage that was so bushy it stuck out two feet and was at least a foot thick! It was a nasty muddy cream color. I went pale, took a deep breath, and said,
“Oh this is nice!”
She dreamily smiled back, handed me a shoe box and a little gift bag and said,
“Oh I know, isn’t it beautiful? Here are your shoes and jewelry.”
I opened the box to find four inch spiked heels in a brilliant orange and a pair of 80’s style plastic earrings in the same color! I was mortified… but it was her wedding so I did what I had to do.
And then the wedding was beginning. As I walked down the aisle towards my husband, (the church has a T at the back, guys and girls come from opposite sides, meet up in the middle and then walk down the center aisle together.) I noticed that he was wearing a brown tux with and orange vest the same color as my shoes and a pepto bismo pink tie! Gag! We walked up the aisle and took our places at the alter.
Suddenly a group of Master’s kids (which are a group of young people that come and live with sponsor families and devote their lives to learning ministry and being discipled) came walking up the center aisle all covered in blood and their clothing torn. (They were getting ready to practice a human video for pastor’s sermon on Sunday.) They walked right up to the pastor and began screaming and shouting, arguing with him about our right to be there. Telling him to get us all out because they had to practice!
All of the sudden our baby sister Becky (who was wearing the exact opposite of me by the way… Orange dress and cream heels and earrings) Comes rushing up the aisle seven months pregnant, dragging her husband by the elbow and spitting mad. She runs up to the nearest Master’s kid punches him square on the jaw and screams, (I apologize for the mild profanity but this is what she said in my dream and in, might I add, the funniest imitation of her husband’s southern accent. Sorry Ty!)
“Get the H-E- Double Hockey Sticks out!”
We all just stood there in shock as she hustled them off stage, gently patted her hair back into place and calmly slid into the line up.
I look over just in time to see Zach walking onto the stage to await his bride and can’t help but catch my breath. He is wearing a full tux and tails complete with gloves, top hat, cane, vest, and tie! Not so bad you say huh? Well the whole thing was PEPTO BISMO PINK! Except, of course for the orange vest and brown tie.
The wedding march begins and I turned in complete shock and awe to look at the back of the church to see my sister flounce (there is really not a better word) into the sanctuary decked out in a perfect replica of Scarlet O’Hara’s dress in the first scene of Gone with the Wind, complete with broad brimmed hat!
Of course the whole thing is ALSO pepto bismo pink except for the ribbons which are a putrid shade of, what else, orange!
I stand in open mouthed horror as I watch her come down the aisle on my father’s arm (who, coincidentally, is being knocked around rather forcefully by her enormous hoop skirts!) all smiles and dimples.
Quite suddenly two wonderful women from our family, who we love dearly (you know who you are don’t you? Anyone? Kathy? Lee? Can you guess?) Jump up like screaming girls at an Elvis concert, rush into the aisle and scream,
“Oh she’s a dream!” and “Oh Charly you’re like a princess!” and together “YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!”
And then they promptly passed out.
Immediately my father lets out this huge guffaw of laughter! He starts to laugh so loud and so hard that I swear he’s going to bust a gut. The moment he can catch a breath, he shouts out,
“Matt come help me!”
Matt and my dad promptly grab the two women and fireman carry (my dad and Matt are firemen) them back to their seats and then, wiping tears from his eyes my father returns to the arm of his last unmarried daughter!
You may ask what in the world she, the blushing bride, (though in all that pink I don’t know how you could tell!) has been doing this whole time? Why, fiddle dee dee, nothing, nothing at all! She and Zach have been gazing into each other’s eyes and grinning like fools. And my horrified dream self in my wretched dress, watching this scene that even Jerry Springer would envy just knew in that moment…
I knew that no matter what came their way, no matter the trials or tribulations (and this wedding was certainly one of them) they might face there would always be laughter between them and a love that would endure!
And that, my friends, is something to swoon about!
I shall leave you with that!