The Dance

Guten Tag!

Remember how I said that there are four rather large things going on in my and Ryan’s life?  Well today I get to tell you about number three!

I have the most wonderful news… it’s something you hear about in movies, read about in books, that you hear from a friend who knew a girl who’s mailman’s son’s best friend knew someone….  But how often do you truly hear about this in real life?

My sister Charly is engaged to Ryan’s brother Zach! 

He proposed to her two days ago and the wedding is set for mid November!  We are going to be, in a few short months, sister’s married to brothers!  How cool and unusual is that? 

We are so happy for them and so excited! 

It’s funny to think that seven years ago last month these two walked down the aisle together at our wedding.  I won’t pretend that there weren’t many of us who didn’t twiddle our eyebrows and wonder what if… but it seemed it was not meant to be.  He moved off to Texas and she went off to college in Flagstaff and that was that. 


Two years ago they both moved back to the valley within a year of each other and those little wisps of what if stirred up once again…

There were many times over the last few years where they were thrown together in something, singing together in praise and worship, praying together in prayer groups, dinners with both families (since my and Ryan’s family frequently do things together)  and every once in a while they would laugh together or look at each other in a way that said there could be a spark there and we all held our breath in anticipation… but again and again circumstances changed, they didn’t see quite as much of each other and that little spark faded away again…

The Sound of Music comes to mind when I think about these last few years of their lives…  The song “Sixteen going on Seventeen” in particular.  In that scene Liesl and Rolf are dancing and at the end of the song they spin towards each other, grasp hands, and look into each others eyes for one breathless moment, only to spin apart again and again.  We as the audience watch in anticipation, knowing from the start that they will come together in a sweet embrace but not knowing when…  And we watch as the dance continues until at long last the pause as they look into each others eyes is much longer and finally they kiss!

I feel as if we have been members of that audience, watching as Zach and Charly have danced this dance together, holding our breath and hoping against hope that they would find happiness.  Watching as they spin closer and closer and watching as they have fallen deeper and deeper, waiting for that moment when they will make that promise to stick…

And today it’s official, these two have stuck!


Congratulations Zach and Charly.  May this path you have chosen to walk together bring you happiness.  May God bless your marriage and use your love for each other to do great things in this world.  May you learn to see every stone in your path as something to conquer together.  And may your days together be filled with joy and laughter.

And may you have die Musterehe (a perfect marriage!)

Auf Wiedersehen!

Ryan and Courtney


Empty fingers…

Guten Tag,

Here I sit once again… Starring at the blank screen with absolutely no idea what to write!  I have nothing to talk about so I have decided to tell you why I have nothing to talk about.

You see there are three or four HUGE things up in the air for us right now and due to various circumstances none of it has been something I could really talk about.  Mostly because the military has been cracking down on information given out in blogs (so military wives watch what you talk about!)  So I’m going to do my very best to tell you what’s been going on without saying anything I’m not allowed to say.

1)  First and foremost for both of us is the Deployment.  Ah the dreaded word for every military family.  Since Ryan and I have been married he has spent a total of 12 months of our marriage sleeping in another bed an ocean away from me.  In truth we have been incredibly blessed in this department, many people have had to endure much more time apart.  We are currently waiting to hear some news that may have a dramatic effect on our lives.  Sometime in the next two months (sorry I can not be more specific due to restrictions) we will find out when and if Ryan will be deployed again.  (Let me just say that as of right now his chances of NOT going are about 5%)  This is not the big deal…  the big deal would be that we are also waiting to find out, not if the deployment will be between three and four months (as all of his previous deployments have been) but it will be somewhere between 4 and 12.  Let me just say that a twelve month deployment would be fine with both of us.  This is his job, it is his duty, we both knew this was a possibility when we started down this path in the beginning.  The problem is that it will be while we are HERE. 

Let me just address this right now since I know it is the question I will be asked the most.  NO I can not go home.  I could maybe visit once or twice for a week or two but that would be all.  Let me explain.  While Ryan is deployed I can not leave the country for more than 30 days at a time.  If I do they cut a few things out of our paycheck since I’m no longer “Living” here.  I can’t tell you what exactly but let me just say that I would lose about a third of our monthly pay and the ability to pay for this house which would, of course, put me in breach of contract.  This is obviously not an option.  The other problem is the dogs.  If I leave I will have to board them.  (I can’t take them back with me since it costs about  $2,500 for a one way trip)  At the discounted price of 10 dollars a day I’m looking at over three hundred a month.  (If that is not available due to overbooking I’m looking at closer to 15 a day which puts me closer to $450 a month)  Not too terrible but when you add it to the money I would lose by leaving it’s just not an option.  So in the end I will be stuck here, 6,000 miles from my family and if he goes where he thinks he’s going (again I can’t say) we’re talking two 15 minute phone calls a week and maybe an email or two.  Add to all of this the question burning hard into my mind…  When in there are we supposed to work on having a family?  And if we succeed before he goes?  Then he misses the birth of our child and at least the first few months of that child’s life.  Many people do this and I’m sure we would survive but it would just be awful if after almost 7 years of infertility he missed it all.

The other huge issue with all of this is timing.  We had a solid set of dates that he could deploy within and so did not plan anything within those dates. (sorry can’t say what they are)  I will say that we planned other things to coincide with those dates.  We have a 14 day visit from his parents in October, and a month long visit from my parents in November and December… all supposed to be BEFORE he leaves.  Now we are hearing whispers that due to some changes the AF is making (which I can not discuss) he may be leaving before any of this happens.  THEN WHAT?

2) The second huge thing going on right now is our assignment.  We have had some things in the works now for almost as long as we have been here.  Trying to get back to Luke AFB in Phoenix when we leave here so that we will continue to be by our family.  We have about an 80% chance of getting it for many reasons I can’t go into here.  We just found out that the AF is making some changes in Ryan’s career field and that if what they are trying REALLY hard to do happens in the time frame they are pushing for, then we have NO shot at Phoenix or anything close to it.  We will have five states available to us; Colorado, Georgia, Virginia, Illinois, and Texas. 

Let me just say that as much as I know that these are all great places only Colorado has ever been on our list and it’s going to be very hard to get if these changes happen.  If this thing doesn’t happen and we do manage to get home then we’ll have a brief reprieve while they finish the changes and then we’ll be moved.  Again we knew that this could happen and we know it’s part of the job… Just kind of a blow you know?  We spent our whole early marriage trying to leave Phoenix.  We desperately wanted to live somewhere cool with mountains.  We prayed that God would have His will in our lives and those doors just kept slamming shut in our face.  So we eventually came to accept that Phoenix was where we were supposed to be.  And an amazing thing happened.  We learned to love it there and to really appreciate being close to family.  The moment we were really done trying to leave and had taken our names off of ALL the lists we got Germany.  It’s hard to accept what you believe is God’s will in your life and to finally find peace and contentment in that thing that you wanted so badly to change only to have it change at long last and realize that you want it back!  Talk about never knowing what you have until it’s gone!

Sometimes I think that God put us here so that when we go back to the states no where we live will feel far away after this!

3) & 4) are still things I can’t talk about but they’ll be coming soon I hope.

I’m going to leave it here for today.  Please just keep us in your prayers if you think about it.  On top of the other things that have happened to us this summer… It just feels like we’re barely getting up before we’re knocked down again.  I just want to say too that I’m not complaining.  As I said we knew from the get go that all of these things were possible.  It’s the unknown that is discouraging…


P.S.  If you have any questions about all the above stuff or want to know more feel free to message me or comment and I’ll do my best to answer you.  I may even just post the questions here with the answers.


Nothing much…

Well I sat here for over an hour staring at a blank screen with nothing but the words Guten Tag on it…  And I have nothing!  There are a few things going on but they are in the works so I’d rather not talk about them until they are a little more concrete…  I have literally no news!  Ryan and I were busy all weekend and none of it was picture worthy… I have a new challenge to write a poem but today I can’t think of a single thing… 

And so today I sit here with absolutely nothing!

So… I’m leaving this survey as my top billing because I personally think it’s cute and I had fun filling it out!  Feel free to snatch it if you want!


The Me and My Man Survey…

1. Who is your man? Ryan

2. How long have you been together? We’ve been “dating” since we could walk and married for 7 years now!

3. Dating/Engaged/Married? Married

4. How old is your man? 28

5. What’s his middle name? Oh he’s ggonnakill me… but since you asked… Albert!

?You or your man*
1. Who eats more? Him for sure…

2. Who says “I love you” first? Most of the time he does… it’s kind of a tradition for me to say Ditto and that doesn’t really work as the first word!

3. Who weighs more? Him

4. Who sings better? He says me… I’ll take it! LOL

5. Who’s Older? He is.

6. Who’s smarter? Well that one is so obvious!

7. Who’s temper is worse? Hmmmm years ago that would not have been a hard question to answer but now-a-days we’re pretty balanced… I think we are probably equal with each other…

8. Who does the laundry? He does but in my defense he won’t let me… Crazy boy has to have his 6″ miltary squares! I run it and dry it but HE folds it… and if I do it because I can’t stand it sitting there any longer, he empties the drawers and does it again because my folding “bothers him.”

9. Who does the dishes?Again the answer would be him… He has this weird mildew issue… As in if he doesn’t see all the dishes “properly” dried then he’s sure I put them away wet and can smell mildew. When we were first married I would do dishes then go to work and come home to a sink full of the SAME dishes. He said it’s becuase they all had mildew…. He makes his own troubles I swear. (To be fair though we split it now… He’s kind of getting over this phase which is nice… Everyone says I’m lucky to have a guy that does dishes AND laundry but hey that means I have to WAIT until he’s ready to do them!)

10. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Me right now… We always sleep with me farthest away from the door so the bad guys won’t get me and in this house that puts me on the right!

11. Who’s feet are bigger? His but we can almost wear the same size…

12. Who’s hair is longer? Mine…He’s bald and mine goes to my waist!

13. Who’s better with the computer? Honestly that depends on what we’re doing but if I had to choose I’d say me probably…

14. Who mowes the lawn? Him

15. Who pays the bills? Me

16. Who cooks dinner? Me! I love to cook but he does have some specialties for those nights when I just don’t want too…. Best grilled cheese sandwhiches in the world and his french toast is to die for!

17. Who drives when you are together? If we’re in the car it’s me since he is incapable of driving with another person in the car. He starts to talk and gets distracted and talks with his hands which means they aren’t on the wheel… let’s just say my blood pressure couldn’t handle it so I took over… But on the bike it’s all him!

18. Who pays when you go out to dinner? Always him…

19. Who’s the most stubborn? He says me I say him and I really don’t see an end to this argument any time soon!

20. Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong? Always him… Why you may ask? Because I’m never wrong of course! Haven’t you read that book? You know the one… “Women are from Venus and Men are wrong”?

21. Who’s parents do you see more? Probably mine but that’s just because we’ve lived with them but we love both sets and all of us get along!

22. Who named your dog? We named both together though I give him the credit… They’re named Gandalf and Yoda for pete’s sake…

23. Who kissed who first? He kissed me first… Though it took him two tries since the first time I sneezed and blew snot all over his face… (*rolleyes* easily the most romantic moment of my life.)

24. Who asked who out? He did.

26. Who’s more sensitive? Ryan says he is… He thinks I’m a tough old bird and nasty as a snake… I think I’ll go off somewhere and cry now…

27. Who’s taller? Ryan by about 4 inches….

28. Who has more friends? Ryan in real life and me online…. I like it that way too!

29. Who has more siblings? Ryan! He has two younger brothers and a younger sister and I have two younger sisters.

30. Who wears the pants in the relationship? Pants? There are no pants! We tiptoe about in pink tutus all day long!


Hope you enjoyed!

Auf Wiedersehen!


Good Morning!

We have so much going on at the moment that I don’t have time to update as I would like to!  I also don’t have time to comment on all of your sites… I have been trying to keep up in my private page and know that I’m thinking about you guys and praying for the ones that have asked for prayer.  I’ll be back on Monday with a big update and hopefully some pictures!

One quick prayer request.  Would you guys please keep my Brother in law Zach in your prayers both today and tomorrow.  Within the next hour or so he’ll be going in to test for the Phoenix Police Department and then if he does well today he’ll go in for the physical portion tomorrow.  He desperately wants this and has been studying and training for months now!  I’ll keep you updated! 

Thanks everyone!  I’ll be back soon!


Random ramblings…

Guten Tag!

It has been a beautiful few days here in The Land of Fairy Tales!  The sun has been shining and the breeze blowing…  The temperatures have been hovering between the mid 70’s and the mid 80’s and the sky has been the most unbelievable blue!  (For all of you in Phoenix, hold down that jealous rage and keep in mind that we haven’t had a temperature above 55 since last September!)

We have been walking the dogs and going on bicycle rides (did I tell you that we bought bicycles?  Real nice ones!  I haven’t had a bike since I was 12!  Talk about good exercise!) across our little patch of country side and of course Bertha (the motorcycle) has been getting plenty of time out and about!  (I was getting ready to get on the bike in case you can’t tell!)


It’s good for the soul to be out and about in God’s creation… especially when it feels as if you live in a painting!

Speaking of good for the soul…

For those of you that have asked and for those of you that haven’t and are just wondering… Ryan and I are doing okay.  This last few days of being out in the sunshine and spending time with each other have helped us heal a little.  I know I haven’t talked much about losing the baby, but there hasn’t been all that much for me to say. 

I have been spending a lot of time in prayer, reading my Bible, just looking for answers.  And have found once again that the answers to all of these questions that Ryan and I have asked for so many years are still…




“I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you…”

…and I have found a bit of peace and contentment in the faithfulness of my Father, God.  I wouldn’t say I’m exactly bubbling over with bouncy joy or anything but I’m on a road to healing, and ,as in everything since the day we said “I do”, Ryan is walking right beside me.

We have felt your thoughts and prayers across the miles and appreciate your continued prayers that one day our dreams of becoming parents would be realized.  That God would remember us.


Today is another beautiful day and I feel like being up and doing…  I’ve been baking like crazy the last week too…  Spinach tortes, Crocans, Zucchini bread…  Somehow it has just seemed like the thing to do!  But for today this house needs to be cleaned and dinner needs to be planned and prepared…  (I can’t decide between cornbeef hash, taco salad, and pot roast… how’s that for a spread?)  So I’m off to breath the fresh warm air and keep my hands busy.


  (That means goodbye and is said kind of like juice only with the first sound of choo choo at the beginning instead of the J!)


Post Script: Ryan and I were catching up on one of our favorite shows, Jericho, last night.  There was a line in it I just HAD to share!

SON: What Dad, do you want to come?


FATHER: You’ve already seen what it’s like out there I just need to see it for myself… besides I’m unemployed not obsolete.


SON: Did you ask mom?


FATHER: Son I’m 59 years old I was mayor of this town since the Carter administration, I’m a retired U.S. Army ranger and a combat veteran.


(Big pause and a nice deep breath.)


Of course I asked your mother!

The Maze


If it makes anyone feel better it scared me so bad!  I was almost to the end and leaning it to really concentrate as the lines got skinny and BOOM!  I screamed bloody murder and had both the dogs running and my husband jumping half out of his skin…  Sorry when something gets me like that I have an uncontrollable urge to share the scare!

And I appologize to my pregnant readers…

*End Edit*


Guten Tag Xangaland!

My dad sent me this today and I just couldn’t resist sending it on to all of you!

If you are old, frail, tired and worn out, weak of heart or your ticker ticks more than it tocks, or you feel you are already knocking at death’s door, or if you have some other equally scary condition….

PLEASE don’t play this game.  I do not wish to be responsible for sending you over the edge.  However if you are none-of-the-above, HAVE AT IT!  But be warned, it could very well place you into one of the afore mentioned categorys.

This WILL drive you crazy, and it’s harder than it seems.

This can only be done by about 1 in 10 people (and I wasn’t one of them)

HINT:  Take it REALLY slowly…

Just click the link below to get started!

Play the MAZE

Talk to you all tomorrow or the next day!



Imaginary Thoughts

Xanga is giving me a hard time… there are a few of me that it simply won’t let me comment on.  I can read your posts in my private subs but it won’t load your pages…

sjpjminor,trustingdaily, Godstimingisalwaysbestdes791983, and Jifners

So if you don’t get comments from me know that I’m reading and that you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

*End Edit*

Today I have a writing challenge from the Kween of Queens website…  It has been far too long since I have participated…

~The Challenge~

Have you ever given any thought as to what your front door might be thinking if, indeed, it was able to think? What observations or thoughts might “run through it’s head”?

Here’s the challenge. . .choose any inanimate object. . . such as your front door, your floor, your closet, your toothbrush! Anything you want, and no, it doesn’t have to be connected with your house. . .any object you want! Give it a personality or thought process. . .then tell us what’s going on in it’s head!

This gives you tons of use for your imaginations! Make it funny, serious, whatever you want! No holds barred! This challenge is called:



Hello my name is Bernard, though no one ever calls me that. My existence is a noble one but, as you will see, there are many times in my life of which I would really rather not speak. I have graced this world for over 80 years and hope to be allowed many contented years to come.

I am an Encyclopedia book shelf.

My life began in the Midwest when a woman purchased my well built and handsome self to hold her prized encyclopedia collection. Her name was Agnes, and she loved to learn and used the books almost daily and I was well oiled and cared for…

I spent many many years by her side… I watched her family grow and then move on.  I went through times when Agnes could not be with me because her life was so full and then as the years passed she spent more and more time with me… And we became almost inseparable.

And then a sad day arrived. Agnes fell ill and was taken to live with her adult son in Phoenix, AZ. I was taken along with her precious encyclopedias and spent the next few months at her bedside… Spending long hours of quite companionship with my dear friend.

The inevitable arrived and Agnes passed from this world. It is hard to be alive so much longer than those you love…

My life’s work (Agnes’s prized encyclopedias) were packed up and shipped off to a second hand store where they would be sold for charity and I with them.

I had high hopes that my life would continue in dignity and that I would again find a companion… and perhaps allow my heart to love again.  But it was not to be. 

A young family purchased me to hold their TV for they could not afford a TV stand. I was saddened by my lower status but still proud to be useful to someone who had need. Years of heavy use and abuse turned my beautiful varnish to a roadmap of chips and scratches… Years of small children coloring on my shelves left me discolored and stained… And the family fell on some fortune… They found themselves with a little bit of extra and I was replaced by a shining entertainment center.  I felt battered and old and thrown aside.

I was sent once again to a second hand store. My dignity was gone, my shelves sagged from years of neglect and my joints ached and creaked… I sat, a small dusty shelf, fallen from the grace of my youth, to this… and I waited.

Months passed and no one gave me a second look… Until one day a beautiful woman knelt down in front of me and put a hand on my top shelf. She smelled of books and polish and I knew that she was my chance to shine once more!

“Perfect” she breathed and before I knew it I was on my way to another new home!

I spent the car ride to her, and now my, home day dreaming about the books of learning that would once again grace my shelves.  About the polish that would soak into my dry and cracked surface… Ah a joy filled me at the prospect! 

“Courtney?” she called as she entered her home lugging me along… “I’ve found you a new nightstand!”

My heart just sank. Yet another home where my true use would be set aside, I had a bad moment but decided to try to make the best of this.  At least I could be useful. Just then a small girl of about 8 or 9 walked into the room and made a face.

“But mom it’s all scratched up and ugly!”

If I’d had a head to droop I would have…  Not even a small child could see beauty in me any longer…  Who was I fooling?  I would spend my days alone.

“Ah but it’s old and antique and a long time ago it was used for something very different.”

She went on to explain to her daughter what I had been and I swelled with pride. These people may never know the story I have told you here but they knew that once upon a time I had been special… That would be enough.

Since that day I have had my shelves stuffed full of Nancy Drew books and then babysitters club… I have had my atlas slot used to hide a diary and candy and all sorts of little bits and pieces. My dignity has been challenged over and over… But I have found in her a strange sort of companion.  I have found a home.  

Almost 20 years later… After many moves and many new scratches here I sit.


My new home is a cottage in Germany in an upper hallway. I can see for miles and nap in the afternoon sun. Sometimes Courtney comes up and sits beside me to look out the window or read one of the dignified books that now grace my shelves… and I am never alone and never useless…

She promises me that once we two settle down she’ll strip me down and make me like new again… and maybe one day I’ll find a new place in her daughter’s room.

She thinks that this is a promise that should make me proud to be a lasting part of her family, but only I know what being a little girls catch all entails… I am tempted to shudder a bit at the thought… but alas… I am proud in a way and a part of me can’t wait…

But now I’ll rest here and enjoy my life… A life that did not turn out quite as I had imagined or in a way that those who put me together had intended… but I am content… For I have been used and I have been useful.

What more could a bookshelf named Bernard ask?