Christmas Memories…

Guten Morgan Xangaland!

Today I give you my Holiday Challenge from the Kween_Of_The_Queens webblog. I think the Kween herself best describes what you’re about to read. If you wish to read other like this one please go HERE.


I want your favorite Holiday Story! Be it Christmas, New Years, Chanukah, or any holiday at all! We’ll call this;


Whatever holiday you wish to write about, just make sure it’s a memorable one to you!

Make it long, or make it short, make it REAL! No fiction this time, alright? What made it so wonderful? What was special about your holiday?


This challenge was a particularly difficult one for me. I sifted through long forgotten memories… glimpses of gazing bleary eyed at the dazzling lights of my Grammy Lois’s Christmas tree while the sun still slept on winter mornings… wispy tendrils of long ago Christmases when my Grandfather would put on a full Santa suit to hand out gifts and I was so afraid of the strange man in our midst… hazy days long past, days not remembered well but always remembered with fondness…

Then I sifted through things more recent… memories of my last Christmas at home in Phoenix, my first hosted in my own home. The Christmas that passed with a small edge of sadness after my Grandfather had passed and his Santa Suit was put away for good. The first Christmas Ryan and I spent together full of anticipation and newness… and odor… Never mind!

All of this I took off the shelf and examined. I became desperate as the time passed, to choose one that could be called my very best. Just as I placed them back on the shelf in defeat, I saw one, tucked far back and pushed out of my memory. As I revisited it I realized just how precious it is to me and how desperately I want to remember it. The way I felt and the lessons it brings. The first Christmas Eve after Ryan and I were married.

We were so unbelievably broke that first Christmas… We had no money for gifts and certainly none for a lavish dinner… That night the only gifts under the tree were the ones for our family that would go with us next morning and the only dinner we had was three day old pinto beans…We lived in a small apartment in the worst part of town. We used to joke around about the 6 o’clock gunshots and now looking back on that it’s quite frightening.

We decided to watch Its A Wonderful Life and drink hot apple cider. (Though it was only hot apple juice since we couldn’t afford the spices…) After the dinner was eaten, I began heating the juice and suddenly Ryan jumped up and ran to the tree… He pulled a small package from under it and said with great flourish, “Happy Halfaversary!” I stared at him completely dumbstruck and asked him what he meant! I don’t remember what was in that box but I do remember the look on his face when he explained that December 24th was our sixth month anniversary and therefore our halfaversary. Six years later we still celebrate it… No matter how good or how bad things are there is always some small token that we open Christmas Eve to celebrate the Halfaversary of our marriage

We curled up on the couch and quietly watched the movie and drank our ‘cider’, settling into a quiet spirit of Christmas…In the middle of the movie we started to talk of life and family. Though we were as poor as church mice we decided that night that we didn’t want to wait to have a family… No one knows what the future holds and we didn’t want to wait. We talked about the possibilities until the wee small hours… of the joy of becoming parents, of the thought of having a child that was a part of both of us… of cuddling a baby, of playing catch, or flying kites, or dressing up dolls… We were so excited, so young, so innocent.

For many years now I have pushed this memory aside… aching at the innocent excitement of the young girl and boy who were about to face trials that would almost break them… Aching for the sense of loss I face every Christmas on the anniversary of the beginning of our journey. This Christmas Eve will mark six years of trying to conceive a child, of desperately wanting to become parents and of failing to do so…

Why in heaven’s name did I choose this memory? Because it is a milestone for Ryan and I. A moment that should not be forgotten, a moment that changed us forever. And though I do not yet know how the journey will end for us, I want to always remember how it began… With joy and excitement and hope.


~// ~

37 thoughts on “Christmas Memories…

  1. So beautiful.  After 30 years of marriage my favorite memories are still the ones from the early days, where love was all we had and all we needed.  Smart girl to keep sight of that.  I wish you a long and happy marriage and a very Merry Christmas.

  2. What a beautiful memory. Those early days of marriage seem to be the most cherished memories when times were simpler. I will keep you both in my prayers. Have a great Christmas!

  3. What a wonderful post.  I am sorry you are having trouble with your dream.  Thanks for sharing and I hope this Christmas is the best ever. 
    We didn’t have much that first christmas together either.  I got a pair of boots from the now defunct Millers Outpost and I loved those things.  I love how you talked about the apple juice since you didn’t have the spices and the pinto beans.  We still do that now sometimes, after 17 years of marriage.  How sweet he thought of the halfaversary. 
    Merry Christmas and thanks again for posting such a heartfelt memory. 

  4. Courtney thank you for shaing this one-this beautiful and sweet Christmas memory.  We all have had our lean years to relate to this post, but a nerve was struck in me about this. 
    In the same situation, waiting, waiting for that little bundle, I learned after 6 1/2 years of trying that I was pregnant.  (I still rmember the doctor having to convince my husband it was true.)  Don’t give up that hope that your Christmas conversation of future dreams can happen.  You would never believe how God answered the desire of my heart for children, and how He went beyond my dreams and filled my home with children.  The same can happen for you.  Thanks for sharing this touching story and Merry Christmas!

  5. What a beautiful story. How wonderful it is you have one another. I pray your Christmas this year will be a continuance of that which you already seem to have. Love, laughter, and most important, each other…Yours in Christ, Sis Pris

  6. beautiful… and heartbreaking. I have two children, but also have many children-born-to-heaven between those two, and I will never be able to watch them open their Christmas stockings with delight, either.

  7. Thank you for sharing this….I also went through an 8 year period of infertility, I was fortunate to have children after that, but I do understand the pain that is felt each month when it does not happen….you are in my prayers.

  8. What a great post….. I hope you have a great Halfaversary and that you will have a child.  I know you probably hear a lot of stories from people but truly my brother and his wife tried for 10 years. They were going to adopt and now have 4 children of their own. God Bless and Good Luck!

  9. The journey will end wonderfully, as the most brilliant writer, our Lord and Father, will make sure that both you and Ryan will prosper in this world of darkness and find that your hearts will be well content in the things that he gives you. 🙂
    This Christmas, if the package arrives there in time (it should make it to Germany in three days), use my gift on Christmas Eve to coddle up with Ryan and remember that our Lord is a promisekeeper.
    Bet you’re REALLY wondering what it is now!!!!

  10. Beautifully written!  I love the story and ache for your emptiness.  You should write this one down in a blank book or something and keep it forever!  Thank you for sharing your deepest, heart-felt thoughts!

  11. Your story really touched my heart I think it is wonderful that you shared itwith us and I hope and pray that somedayyour dreams will come true.Merry CHRISTmas!

  12. What a truly beautiful memory… the enthusiam of youth that becomes tempered by the reality of adulthood.
    We, too, tried for years to conceive, until I thought my heart would break.  In Jan, 1990, I took a couple of weeks off from work, spent some quality alone time, (I spent the time refinishing a wrought iron table and chair set…) , and after much prayer, decided to give up my notion of becoming a mother and accepted that His will was different than mine.  I went back to work renewed, refreshed and with a different focus.  Little did I realize that the following Jan I would be off from work again, fulfilling a new role as a stay at home mom, my oldest having been conceived on our anniversary, 4/2/90, and born on 1/1/91!  God hears all prayers, and is eternally faithful.  May He bless you, Courtney!

  13. Hi courtney!  How are things in Germany!  Hope your doing well!  My favorite holiday is probably this one, since finding out I am pregnant is the best christmas present I have received other than of course Jesus Christ being born and dying for us!!! 

  14. Thanks for your comment & keeping us in your prayers.  It’s needed right about now.  ~hugs~  I’ll get back and read this and comment again when I can think straight hopefully.

  15. Smile?! Ha! She had been screaming her head off at me while I was trying to take those pictures. Wanna know how I got her to calm down and smile at me? By calling her Princess! She smiles everytime someone calls her Princess…as if she’s highly aware of the fact that her Heavenly Father is a king and that she belongs to Him. Well, that’s the way I like to see it anyways. LOL But mark my words, she will not grow up to be a spoiled Princess! People may spoil her, but she will not act like it! LOL
    And as for the blanket, of course she’s posing with it. She was wearing her dedication dress, though you can’t see it very well. It is all knitted with a little knitted bonnet to go with it…but the bonnet made her scream harder. I had to have her blanket with her sense it will be what she is wrapped in for her dedication–which will be on Christmas Eve, I believe.
    Talk to you soon. Can’t wait for you to get your gift!!!!

  16. I love the way you write and I think this is a wonderfully sweet story. I pray that your desire to be a mother will be fulfilled. God knows best. Have a blessed holiday.

  17. I always enjoy how you write.. I love your expression of words… You made your story queit amazing too.. Thanks also Ms.Courtney for dropping by to read mine and the compliments on it!!!
    ~Thanks for sharing yours~ HUGS AND LOVE ~ ALWAYS Ur Fellow Queen~Leslie

  18. thanks for stopping by….your story was touching and well written….blessing will come to you….believe and have faith….you sound like you have that….I’ll try to return for updates…..
    ..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-¸.·´  .·´¨¨)) -:¦:-
    ((¸¸.·´ ..·´Holiday Hugs!!!    -:¦:-
    -:¦:- ((¸¸.·´ * ~ g ~ *-:¦:-

  19. That story is just beautiful. But let me join the others when I say to never, ever give up! Someday your prayers will be answered and you’ll have a beautiful child. I have known several people who resigned themselves to never being parents, then becoming pregnant when they stopped trying. Babies have their own timetable, so have faith! There are other options too, with IVF and adoption. I’m sorry if this is so personal, but I’ll keep you in my prayers!

  20. I wanyed top thank you for stopping by, and for the nice comment you left me.
    Honey, don’t worry, don’t fret.  When it’s time for you two to have a child, you will.  There is nothing that happens in this world without a reason.
    Please, don’t give up on Hope.  That’s really all we have left.  Hope.

  21. That is such a sweet story… you are a very wonderful writer. I hope you’re having fun at the Christmas Market in Trier today! That’s too funny we went on Saturday and you went on Sunday, we went with a couple from my husband’s shop but it’s too bad we couldn’t of went on the same day and met up. 🙂 I’m sure you are enjoying the Market, it was very lovely, but boy was it CROWDED! 🙂 Did you try the Gluwhein (is that how it’s spelled?) I really liked it!!! 🙂 Hope you’re doing well, talk to you later! 🙂

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