Good Evening Xangaland!
I know it’s been longer than I said it would be but I am in the progress of saving everything because my and Ryan’s computers have to be reformatted in the next week… I am doing my very best to keep up and catch up. I have so much to tell you all but let me just say that Ryan is doing well and has so far passed three of the four tests required during this schooling with a 95%, a 90%, and a 92.5%. He is really enjoying it and I’m very proud of how well he is doing… A few more days and I should be able to catch up with everyone… In the meantime I went to the dentist today and just had a huge need to share with you all.
I hate the dentist.
So today I went to the dentist for a cleaning. It has been six years since I last went to a dentist. Why you may ask? Well let me share.
I walk in and the hygienist says, “Hi, it’s so nice to see you again!” and although I have been here two times in the last month getting my checkups and medical release for overseas travel I am sure I have not met this particular woman… But my memory is not so great so I let it slide.
She sets me down in the chair and asks me three times in a row if anything in my medical history has changed since the last time I was in. I answered politely each time and was a bit perplexed as to the memory lapse but hey as I said my memory is not so great so I let it slide.
I should have been afraid.
She leans me back and opens my mouth. She grabs the little hook stabber which I hate but every dentist uses so it is not particularly scary…… Until she begins stabbing my gums!!!! Three full out puncturing stabs per tooth front and back. I am MORTIFIED and freaked. I know this is crass but I would rather have a pap smear than have this woman in my mouth. At least I could kick the doctor in the head if that goes bad. I submit that a woman stabbing you in the mouth while you quite literally grin and bear it is the worst and most violating feeling imaginable.
She finally stops comments on how she has drawn blood and rinses out my mouth leaving a nice little puddle of bloody water in the back of my throat that I am forced to swallow since she comes at me immediately with the polishing tool and attacks! It wasn’t so bad so I figure the worst is over.
Once more I was wrong.
So after that horrible violation she pulls out the floss…. Excuse me….. THE ROPE… and proceeds to jam this unusually thick bit of torture paraphernalia down between each and every one of my teeth so quickly and violently that every single one of the spaces between my teeth are bleeding.
We haven’t even begun to discuss how she had to get this stuff out! She jammed it down between two molars first and then “gently” pulled on it a few times and when that didn’t work she set her jaw braced her foot and yanked! So hard that my head actually lifted up off the chair! Holy Cow!!!
Then she comments on how my gums are bleeding “a little” and grabs the water squirter and sucker thingy. She gives three quick little mists and then says, “Oops we’re out of water, oh well.” I should have saved that mouthful of bloody water from before so I could rinse a little…. (Insert sarcastic face here please) She then just runs that hard little plastic sucker, not so gently, along the gums in the front and back of each tooth, pats my shoulder and says she has to write up the report so just hold tight a minute.
In the amazingly uncomfortable silence that comes next, during which I sit there in shock at just how violent that was and how this is the stuff nightmares are made of, I become aware of a cheerful little instruction poster on how to floss.
Take 18 inches of floss and wrap it around your two middle fingers.
Gently insert the floss into the space between two teeth.
Work the floss back and forth.
Gently remove the floss and repeat until all teeth are flossed.
Um and you wonder why it’s been six years.
Song of the day? Or week at this point? Hurt by Thousand Foot Krutch. Song title seemed appropriate plus I love the song.