Our TTC Journey

Good Morning Xangaland!


This is our TTC Journey.  I just wanted to post this so that I have it here. 


This is the full story, as much as I can remember anyway. 




My husband Ryan and I have been married for almost five and a half years.  When we first got married we decided that we were going to wait five years before we started trying for our first.  Thank God we didn’t.  On Christmas Eve of 2000, which was our half-aversary as Ryan likes to call it, we decided that we would throw out the birth control pills and start trying to have a baby.  I conceived within one week although of course I didn’t know…. A couple weeks down the road I had two positive pregnancy tests and then shortly after a negative.  I ran to the doctor and they confirmed it, miscarriage.  I was crushed.  But I had just turned 20 and we had only been trying for a month and the possibilities were endless.  How could I have known that it would be over three years before I could conceive again?


Within one month of my first miscarriage I had an ophthalmologist appointment through the base.  It was a fortunate accident, as I thought that I was going to get contacts.  No one ever told me there was a difference between an optometrist and an ophthalmologist.  They did all of the things they do and then they dilated my eyes.  Do you know how frightening it is for a doctor to look into your eye, the window of your soul, and declare, “Oh my God, that is not good.”? I do.  They rushed me in to have pictures taken and do some kind of documentation and then they sat me down and told me that I had a disease called Pseudo Tumor Ceribri.  It is basically a buildup of spinal fluid in your brain that presses against your optic nerve and acts as a tumor.  They believe that because of the way this ‘tumor’ was pressing on my brain, it caused my miscarriage.


I would be on medication and probably spinal taps for the rest of my life.  And so my relationships with neurologists began.  They put me on a medication for a year that made my hand, feet, face, and sometimes legs go numb and tingly, made me dizzy and made me forget things.  It wasn’t until they took me off a year later that they found out the damage was permanent.  They told me later that one of the side effects is that the meds can literally burn holes in your memory similar to the effects of long term ecstasy use.  There are childhood memories that I have no recollection of.  My sisters will start a story, ‘Remember that time……?’ and as hard as I try I have no idea what they are talking about.  They will never come back.


Shortly after I was diagnosed with this disease I began gaining weight.  Over 100 pounds in just under three years and there was no way to stop it.  I did all the doctor recommended diets, pills, exercises, you name it.  Nothing worked.  I was then diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome in February of 2002.   One of the worst things for me about bouncing from doctor to doctor and medication to medication is the false hope each new thing instills.  This doctor was sure that if he could control the PCOS I would lose all the weight and get pregnant.  He was aggressive.  He started me on a medication that made me constantly sick and did nothing else.  It couldn’t work because of all the other problems that were surfacing.  I was then diagnosed with Hypothyroidism.  They put me on a medication for that, nothing. It was the same problem.


In September of 2003 I again conceived, on Clomid, I was assured that people of my size could carry a baby no problem.  Not with my complications however.  I miscarried one day after my 23rd birthday.  Devastated doesn’t begin to touch how I was feeling.

Then in May of 2004 I was diagnosed with high blood pressure, I refused medication because I was in the lower levels and once you start you can’t stop, I was only 24 and so I waited.  They then discovered that my PCOS was insulin resistant, which in a nutshell means that I was hungry all the time but my body rejected my own insulin so I was literally starving to death.  I was gaining weight by leaps and bounds but my body wasn’t getting any nutrients.


That is when I was told I would be Diabetic within a few years and would probably be dead by the time I was thirty.  You see I had so many things wrong that all the medications couldn’t do anything.  I was literally dying while taking 9 prescription medications.  It was now compacted by the fact that I was now morbidly obese with five co morbidities. They opted to go drastic.  As I was 24, could not conceive and had just been told I wouldn’t last more than another six years or so in my current health I was okay with drastic. 


I was recommended for a RuenY Gastric Bypass surgery.  We stopped TTC in June of 2004 because getting well became much more important than getting pregnant.  Besides what kind of mother would I be, as sick as I was?


The surgery took place on December 27th of 2004.  Four years and three days since we had started trying to have a baby. 




It has now been 10 months and a bit.  I have lost 127 pounds and have just received a clean bill of health.  We were given the go ahead to start TTC again about three months ago and this month I had my first normal cycle in two years.  We are hopeful.


There is still the possibility that something is still wrong but we have to try for a while first before they will look into it.  We shall see.


Through all of this God has been faithful.  He has been right there beside us through all of the heartache and pain and we know that He knows best.  We are content to live in his perfect timing and plan.  We are blessed to have a family that has surrounded us and prayed for us throughout all of this.  God has truly blessed us.


We pray daily for one more blessing.  That we might be able to take the crib out of the closet and put it together knowing it will soon be filled.  That the empty room in our house will become the fullest room.   That we will no longer have empty arms. 


God hears our prayers.  All in His timing.


“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11




5 thoughts on “Our TTC Journey

  1. Oh my gosh!  What a journey!  I wish you luck, and peace of mind.  Jeremiah 29:11 is a wonderfully calming and reassuring scripture.  Good luck to you…

  2. I never knew about a lot of this. You have been through a lot in such a short period of time.  I hope things happen for you soon.  Thanks for sharing.  I think you are amazing!Have a great Sunday.Kelly

  3. I agree with Kelly….you are amazing! Gosh you’ve been through more in your short 24 years than some go through in a lifetime. It’s time for the blessings to begin!I love Jer.29:11! It’s carried me through many down times.God DOES have plans for us…He knows, and cares for thesmallest details of our lives.Hang in there sweetie, there will be 2 a.m. feedings andsore nipples in your future yet. lolHugs

  4. I understand the very last part about remaining hopeful. It is so hard to let go of the fear that I may never have children. To be completly honest, I truly do not think that I will have a baby. We’ve not used any form of birth control for so long, not that we are getting the business needed done of the right days. However, I’m not as desperate for it as I once was…and I grow afraid that God is taking that feeling from me because perhaps that isn’t His will. Pathetic, I know. It doesn’t help that people ask if the Anthrax and Small Pox vaccinations could have made Roger infertile. That makes me so mad that they would be so insenstive to ask…and then leave me with restless nights wondering if it could be true!!!!
    I know God has good plans for all of us and I am trying so hard to let Him take it all from my hands. Yet, I wonder, when we get to heaven…will those lost babies be there? I wonder about that a lot. To me…they were my babies, though I didn’t get to hold or even see anything but a little hand on an ultrasound picture.
    You’re still on m prayer list, along with Ryan, and I pray for you guys everyday. I know that God is going to lead us down the path He prepared the moment He breathed life into us. And I am sure that in the end…we will be very happy.

  5. I am overweight also..We have been trying for a year..I started the blood/lab work to get on Clomid to see if that will help..I hope I dont go through everything u had to go trough..I know it has made you a stronger and healty person and that is awesome for you!! U have been through so much so you truley deserve for something to go your way!! Good luck in your new TTC journay!!

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