Today was a sad day in my own little world.
Many of you have made comments about my hair when you have seen it in past pictures. I have had long hair my whole life and I love it. But a handful of times I have just had enough and chopped it off. It grows really fast so this has never been a big deal… but today it is. Because you see I am not tired of long hair, I did not cut it out of necessity or frustration, I cut it out of need. I have hit the stage in my after surgery life when my body panics and thinks it isn’t getting enough. Everyone goes through it and it is short lived but unavoidable and so for the last few weeks my hair has been falling out. I have very thick curly hair so I can lose a lot without it being too noticeable but that doesn’t mean I like it. It was so long it was catching on things and winding around things and I was not only losing it I was pulling it out… Today I had my mom cut it all off.
Here is a picture from only a few weeks ago before I started losing it… long and even though I brushed it out still a bit curly.
So goodbye my hair.
I haven’t done an update for a while and since I have already talked a little about what is going on I probably should. I am doing really well. As I said above I am in a stage where my body thinks I am not getting enough even though I am. The body then begins to shut down non essential functions to conserve energy. It is only supposed to last about six weeks and it has already been three so I’m halfway through. The result has been hair loss, lack of elasticity in my skin, brittle nails, and I’m tired a lot. No worries I’m getting all my nutrients and my vitamins. It will be over soon. I have now lost 68 pounds and I feel wonderful. I have more energy now then I have had in our entire marriage.
Here are some update pictures for you. Close ups before and after. Told you my nose was bigger and longer than it looked. No one believed me.
And full length before and after. Sorry I had to stand like that. I wanted to show how much I have actually lost and all my clothes are too big now and I’m too cheap to go buy in between clothes so I’m just pushing in the shirt so you can see.
So there you go. I am still exercising, and playing racquetball with Ryan, I’m not getting any better though… Oh well all in time. I will beat him one of these days. I have been so busy this last few weeks and there have been so many things going on. I promise I will catch up as soon as I have a little more time.
The time is coming quickly for Ryan to leave. He is leaving on the 2nd of April which sounds far away until I tell you it is in 9 days if you count the day he leaves! I’m going to miss him so much. I have decided to use this next month to get the thousand things done that go undone for so long when there are a thousand more to do….. Hopefully by the time he comes back I will be caught up with a lot.
Song of the day? I need you by Jars of Clay Why? Because I do.
Strangely out of place
There’s a light filling this room
Where none would follow before
I can’t deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt
Away my pride
Do I want shelter from the rain
Or the rain to wash me way?
I need you, I need you, I need you
I need you, I need you, I need you
You’re all I’m living for
I might sound like a fool
But I think I felt you moving
Closer to me
Face to the ground
To hide the fatal cut
I fight the weight
I feel you lift me up
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away
I think this is a beautiful song. Such a captured moment of faith. What it is to be broken and to be made whole. Make of it what you will.