Today was a sad day in my own little world. 


Many of you have made comments about my hair when you have seen it in past pictures.  I have had long hair my whole life and I love it.  But a handful of times I have just had enough and chopped it off.  It grows really fast so this has never been a big deal… but today it is.   Because you see I am not tired of long hair, I did not cut it out of necessity or frustration, I cut it out of need.  I have hit the stage in my after surgery life when my body panics and thinks it isn’t getting enough.  Everyone goes through it and it is short lived but unavoidable and so for the last few weeks my hair has been falling out.  I have very thick curly hair so I can lose a lot without it being too noticeable but that doesn’t mean I like it.  It was so long it was catching on things and winding around things and I was not only losing it I was pulling it out…  Today I had my mom cut it all off. 



Here is a picture from only a few weeks ago before I started losing it…  long and even though I brushed it out still a bit curly.



So goodbye my hair. 


 


Update Post


I haven’t done an update for a while and since I have already talked a little about what is going on I probably should.  I am doing really well.  As I said above I am in a stage where my body thinks I am not getting enough even though I am.  The body then begins to shut down non essential functions to conserve energy.  It is only supposed to last about six weeks and it has already been three so I’m halfway through.  The result has been hair loss, lack of elasticity in my skin, brittle nails, and I’m tired a lot.  No worries I’m getting all my nutrients and my vitamins.  It will be over soon.  I have now lost 68 pounds and I feel wonderful.  I have more energy now then I have had in our entire marriage. 


Here are some update pictures for you. Close ups before and after.  Told you my nose was bigger and longer than it looked.  No one believed me.


 


And full length before and after. Sorry I had to stand like that.  I wanted to show how much I have actually lost and all my clothes are too big now and I’m too cheap to go buy in between clothes so I’m just pushing in the shirt so you can see. 


 


So there you go.  I am still exercising, and playing racquetball with Ryan, I’m not getting any better though… Oh well all in time.  I will beat him one of these days.   I have been so busy this last few weeks and there have been so many things going on.  I promise I will catch up as soon as I have a little more time. 


The time is coming quickly for Ryan to leave.  He is leaving on the 2nd of April which sounds far away until I tell you it is in 9 days if you count the day he leaves!  I’m going to miss him so much.  I have decided to use this next month to get the thousand things done that go undone for so long when there are a thousand more to do…..  Hopefully by the time he comes back I will be caught up with a lot. 


Song of the day? I need you by Jars of Clay Why?  Because I do.


Strangely out of place
There’s a light filling this room
Where none would follow before
I can’t deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt
Away my pride
Do I want shelter from the rain
Or the rain to wash me way?

[chorus]
I need you, I need you, I need you
I need you, I need you, I need you
You’re all I’m living for

[verse]
I might sound like a fool
But I think I felt you moving
Closer to me
Face to the ground
To hide the fatal cut
I fight the weight
I feel you lift me up
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away


I think this is a beautiful song.  Such a captured moment of faith.  What it is to be broken and to be made whole.  Make of it what you will. 


Courtney

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12 thoughts on “

  1. WOW Courtney…..you look gorgeous!!! I love your hair…whether it’s long or short….you’re still beautiful! I will say a prayer that you will get through this “transitional” part of your post-surgery. I love ya!

  2. Wether your hair is long or shorter, you are still courtney, the beautiful girl inside and out. Look at ALL you have achieved, you look absolutely gorgeous!!!!!!I too will say a prayer.

  3. You are doing an awesome job!!! I went through the hairloss thing myself. Only I lost it in the front right around my bangs. So it looked like I had a receding hair line. Eventually it started to grow back, but you can still tell cuz it doesn’t grow as fast as the rest of my hair. I think that you look great though. Keep up the great work.
    Wendi

  4. You look so amazing! I’m sorry that you had to cut your hair, I know how you feel because my hair is like my security blanket, it’s a part of me that I’m not willing to just cut off if it’s not necessary. I’m sorry that you’re feeling tired but like you said you’re half way there, hang in there you’re doing great.

  5. I know it was hard to do baby, but it’s gonna grow back in no time. And you look so beautiful! Even though I see you all the time, I don’t realize just how much is coming off. I’m so proud of you and all you.ve accomplished. Keep it up! Love you bunches….Auntie Me

  6. Okay i need to correct myself 68 pounds! wow ( i think i put 66 earlier today).  I lose hair all the time, but you can’t tell because its thick and layered.

  7. Girl you look great. You are so pretty with long or short hair. I know you must have had a hard time with it but look at all you have accomplished. It will grow back.Here’s a big HUG to make you fell better.

  8. My goodness Coutrney! You look great!! Seriously awesome! And your smile in the second picture is huge! Not your nose!! lol As for the hair…I can understand cutting it off. Mine started to fall out a lot….and I’m not sure why. Roger kept finding in really strange places….some I cannot mention because it is too strange and gross. We have no idea how hair got in some particular places. lol But you look great with your new hair…and your new weight…and that awesome new smile! Keep up the great work!
    -Gia:)

  9. you look amazing…. I am glad you are doing so well….
    I also have curly hair. I use to think I had thick hair too… but lately I noticed that I really don’t have that thick of hair… it just seems lik it because my hair is so curly.
    I love your hair both ways…

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