“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
Today I have been thinking about all the things God has done in my life. The Bible says that God works for the good of those that love the Lord. I have spent the first five years of my marriage knowing that and trying to have faith in that, but frankly wondering how everything that happened in my life was for my good. I have spent a lot of time actively making myself have faith that God truely does have my best interest in mind. No, it does not come easily. No, I don’t just float around in a cloud of faith everyday. I have to work really hard to just give it all up. Sounds like a lot of extra work doesn’t it? Well, it is. I have a hard time with things in my life I can’t control. Throw anything physical my way and I will deal. Throw a mind boggling problem and I will work at it until I have it solved. Throw something my way that has no answer but, ‘Wait’ and there is a problem. I feel helpless and frustrated. I used to say that God had taught me patience through all the things I had to wait for but you don’t learn patience waiting for something you know is going to happen.
All that to say that though you know a little about my life from my stories, there is no way to convey everything in so short a time and I am not quite so arrogant as to think you would want to know. Let me just say that we have been through a lot in our short marriage. A lot of pain, sickness, heartche, frustration. A lot of feeling like God has blessed everyone around us and forgotten that we are here pleading for some relief, some blessing, some little sign that he can hear us. I feel like I have been sitting back and watching as everyone around us live their lives and I have been put on hold. But God has been faithful despite all my doubts.
In these last few months we have seen things fall into place. God is starting to show us that every closed door was a blessing and that he always opens a window just not neccessarily at the same time he slams the door. It’s so funny to look back at when we were first married and realize how naive we were. We thought we were so grown up and had everything planned out for our lives. My favorite saying though is this, ‘If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans.’ And looking back I can see how his plan was so much better. But you know what? We are in the same place now that we had hopped to be we just got here a differenct way.
The only thing we don’t have that we wanted are children. Looking back though if we had managed to carry a baby to term I would be so sick I wouldn’t be able to be the mother I want to be. He has made sure through everything that we were taken care of. Even this surgery. There were so many hoops I had to jump and if felt like I hate to wait for so long. But now I know that it was for a reason. By being delayed I recieved a laproscopic surgery which has saved me so much pain during my recovery and it shortens your internal healing as far as diet goes. Not to mention they prefer it for women of childbearing age because the open surgery scar interferres with how your skin stretches during pregnancy. God has looked out for us down to every last detail.
I am just amazed at how everything falls together. God has done so much in our lives. Even on the days I can’t feel his presence I know he is there with me. For that is his promise, and he always keeps his promises. Even if it’s not in the way I expect.
“Then I will rejoice in the LORD. I will be glad because he rescues me. 10 I will praise him from the bottom of my heart: ‘LORD, who can compare with you? Who else rescues the weak and helpless from the strong? Who else protects the poor and needy from those who want to rob them?’” Proverbs 35: 9-10