I know I said I would not be writting much but these last few days I seem to have a little time at the end of my days to fill. I want to get my story down so that I have a record of all the things that came before this new beginning in my life. And of course for you to read if you choose. I warn you that starting here there are not many happy times. We were happy together and we love each other but we hit a bit of a rough spot you might say. But this is who I am. All these things that passed are what made us strong together. I do not believe in regrets. If I were to regret one thing one choice I would be turning my back on something that made me who I am. So here continues my story the good and the bad.
My Story Chapter 5: In Sickness and Health
As soon as we returned from our honeymoon I began to feel sick. I started to gain weight uncontrolably and within a few months I had gained 35 pounds and I started to fear for my health. When I went to the doctors they said that it may be the birth control, so I went off them. We thought that having a baby while we were dirt poor would be better than continuing to ruin my health.
We were too late.
I got pregnant for the first time right after Christmas of 2000, just six months after we were married. We were so excited about that positive test but then about five weeks in we tested again and it was negative. The doctors confirmed it, no baby. This was my first miscarrage and we were devistated.
A few weeks later I started having horrible headaches. Instead of feeling that my head was in a vice it felt as if it would explode. At first I thought it was just my hormons but then my vision began to fail.
I had been under the impression that Tricare paid for eye care so I went to the doctor and got a referal. I was wrong they only covered a yearly eye health check up with an opthomologist insteat of an optomitrist. (I know I butchered the spelling I’m sorry) Looking back now I can see that this mistake on my part was nothing less than a miracle from God. If I had not had this appointment I don’t even like to think what might have happened.
The doctor dialated my eyes to do a thourogh check. Then he came in to look. Have you ever had a doctor literally go pale and say, “Oh no this is not good.” ? He rushed me to another room to take pictures of my eyes. All said and done I have a condition called, Psedo Tumor Ceribri. It is a condition in which the spine makes excess spinal fluid which pools and swells in your brain until it puts pressure on your optic nerve. This literally acts like a brain tumor except for there is no tumor. Untreated it can cause blindness and in severe cases even death. I was shuttled around to diferent neurologists and specialists. I narrowly escaped spinal taps but was put on a medication that was so harsh that I lost feeling in my face hands and feet, while I was taking it.
So there I was barely 20, my health was failing, I had headaches that were so severe I had to quit my job and I rarely left my house, the medication was almost worse than the headaches, and I had suffered a miscarriage. It was not a happy time.
In the middle of all this we had to move rather unexpectedly. (This part of the story is not funny but it is at least interesting. ) One night at about 3am I had a dream. In this dream my husband gently shook me awake and said ‘Courtney, get up very quietly and hide there’s someone at the door.’ At the same time he swears he heard a voice from the foot of the bed say, ‘Ryan get up and lock the front door.’ We woke up at the same moment and I hid and he ran in the front room and threw the bolt on the top lock.
At the same moment a man with a gun came running up the stairs to our apartment and started banging on the door. He was screaming, “Get up @#%&* and open this door!” Then he actually unlocked the bottom lock on our door. We called security and they came and got the guy. Apparently he was after someone who had lived there before. Three days later we gave our notice! Wouldn’t you? I honestly believe that God sent angels to protect us that night.
We rented a wonderful little townhouse that was haunted but that is a story for another day. We were happy there for that year.
Through all of this my husband has been the most amazing and supportive man. He has been by my side protecting and cherishing me. When I was too sick to clean or cook he came home from a grueling day and did it for me. When I was too tired or in too much pain to put on makeup he told me I was prettier without it. When I gained 100 pounds in three years he said I was still beautiful. I love him more each day. Through all of the heart ache we remain happy together.
God has truely proven to us that he is always there. No matter how bad things get he has been there for us. We are blessed in all things to be able to see a silver lining. I must admit though, it is not always right away. But as I have said before, and as my grandfather said before me, God holds us all in the hollow of his hand.