I know I said I would not be writting much but these last few days I seem to have a little time at the end of my days to fill.  I want to get my story down so that I have a record of all the things that came before this new beginning in my life. And of course for you to read if you choose.  I warn you that starting here there are not many happy times.  We were happy together and we love each other but we hit a bit of a rough spot you might say.  But this is who I am.  All these things that passed are what made us strong together.  I do not believe in regrets.  If I were to regret one thing one choice I would be turning my back on something that made me who I am.  So here continues my story the good and the bad. 

My Story Chapter 5: In Sickness and Health

As soon as we returned from our honeymoon I began to feel sick.  I started to gain weight uncontrolably and within a few months I had gained 35 pounds and I started to fear for my health.  When I went to the doctors they said that it may be the birth control, so I went off them.  We thought that having a baby while we were dirt poor would be better than continuing to ruin my health. 

We were too late.

I got pregnant for the first time right after Christmas of 2000, just six months after we were married.  We were so excited about that positive test but then about five weeks in we tested again and it was negative.  The doctors confirmed it, no baby.  This was my first miscarrage and we were devistated.

A few weeks later I started having horrible headaches.  Instead of feeling that my head was in a vice it felt as if it would explode.  At first I thought it was just my hormons but then my vision began to fail. 

I had been under the impression that Tricare paid for eye care so I went to the doctor and got a referal.  I was wrong they only covered a yearly eye health check up with an opthomologist insteat of an optomitrist.  (I know I butchered the spelling I’m sorry)  Looking back now I can see that this mistake on my part was nothing less than a miracle from God.  If I had not had this appointment I don’t even like to think what might have happened.

The doctor dialated my eyes to do a thourogh check.  Then he came in to look.  Have you ever had a doctor literally go pale and say, “Oh no this is not good.” ?  He rushed me  to another room to take pictures of my eyes.  All said and done I have a condition called, Psedo Tumor Ceribri.  It is a condition in which the spine makes excess spinal fluid which pools and swells in your brain until it puts pressure on your optic nerve.  This literally acts like a brain tumor except for there is no tumor.  Untreated it can cause blindness and in severe cases even death.  I was shuttled around to diferent neurologists and specialists.  I narrowly escaped spinal taps but was put on a medication that was so harsh that I lost feeling in my face hands and feet, while I was taking it. 

So there I was barely 20, my health was failing, I had headaches that were so severe I had to quit my job and I rarely left my house, the medication was almost worse than the headaches, and I had suffered a miscarriage.  It was not a happy time.

In the middle of all this we had to move rather unexpectedly.  (This part of the story is not funny but it is at least interesting. ) One night at about 3am I had a dream.  In this dream my husband gently shook me awake and said ‘Courtney, get up very quietly and hide there’s someone at the door.’  At the same time he swears he heard a voice from the foot of the bed say, ‘Ryan get up and lock the front door.’  We woke up at the same moment and I hid and he ran in the front room and threw the bolt on the top lock. 

At the same moment a man with a gun came running up the stairs to our apartment and started banging on the door.  He was screaming, “Get up @#%&* and open this door!”  Then he actually unlocked the bottom lock on our door.  We called security and they came and got the guy.  Apparently he was after someone who had lived there before.  Three days later we gave our notice!  Wouldn’t you?  I honestly believe that God sent angels to protect us that night.

We rented a wonderful little townhouse that was haunted but that is a story for another day.  We were happy there for that year.

Through all of this my husband has been the most amazing and supportive man.  He has been by my side protecting and cherishing me.  When I was too sick to clean or cook he came home from a grueling day and did it for me.  When I was too tired or in too much pain to put on makeup he told me I was prettier without it.  When I gained 100 pounds in three years he said I was still beautiful.  I love him more each day.  Through all of the heart ache we remain happy together. 

God has truely proven to us that he is always there.  No matter how bad things get he has been there for us.  We are blessed in all things to be able to see a silver lining.  I must admit though, it is not always right away.  But as I have said before, and as my grandfather said before me, God holds us all in the hollow of his hand.


14 thoughts on “

  1. O my goodness! (with the entire story)….things moved so quickly, but at the same time it sounds like things were under control.  It really lets you know that you both of you supported each other.  (((HUGS)))
    And I do believe that God does work in mysterious ways…you definitely had angels watching out for you that night.  That’s so scary…

  2.  :ohmy: Oh my gosh you have been through a lot. God has truely blessed you. Im glad nothing happened to you and your husband when the guy with the gun came. I want to hear about the haunted house now.

  3. Wow girl, Amazing story. God has definably been with you. You have an amazing husband. I can relate. I’ve been sick with a lot of things not to the same degree as you but that limit me from doing simple things such as household chores. God has blessed us with wonderful and understanding husbands. But most importantly he has blessed you with strength through every battle – obvious because you are here today, living your life. You inspire me.

  4.     I can’t believe I didn’t know about the gunman! What else aren’t you telling me…I’m her aunt people, relax.HAHAHA Oh mighty warrior for the kingdom of our beloved God, you have truly been beset. The devil wants you baaaaad.>insert what I said to you earlier on this subject here, you need a good laugh after this day< I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, as many times as it takes…The devil only pursues diligently those who are beloved by God. And that is you and Ryan baby girl, most definately you guys. No small comfort I know.And I couldn’t love you more…only two more days, YEAH!!!! Auntie Angel

  5. I forgot two things; first, thanks, it’s much faster now. And second;
                             MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

  6. Thanks for leaving that comment cause I was afraid I had offended you.What a story.That’s alot to go thru. Your husband sounds great. Mine is the same way. We sure are lucky.I would have moved to. I believe we all have a gaurdian angel and yours was definantly there that night. I like what you said about regrets. I never looked at it that way.

  7. oh and the answer to ur question,  yes i can hear your music on your site =)  are your speakers turned up?? do you have speakers?? lol check those things before you try to figure out why you can’t hear music hehe.  thanks again for those verses!!!

  8. Gracious…I fear this may be a long comment. Sorry, in advance.
    I wish that I could really know you. You are an amazing person. Your story is absoluetly beautiful. I truly believe that God protected you that night with the intruder. I believe in things like that with all of my heart. There have been times that God has done the same for Roger and I and sometimes His ways are very blunt (like actually sending angels that speak to you like they did Mary and Joseph).
    My heart goes out to you for the loss of your baby. I have written before that I lost two babies and I know that though you have never held them, you love them dearly as a momma should. I think about my babies (and in my mind I think I know the sex). I calculate at least once a week how old they would be and the new things they would be learning to do. I am terrified of becoming pregnant again because I do not want to loose another and face the possibility that I will never have children. But God is working on my heart…preparing it one way or the other.
    I truly wish you the best with your upcoming surgery. The best part of adversity is the people we are when we come out of it. Sometimes it is like we are in the furnace with Jesus. Surely it would be a little frightening and trying to trust that He will not let the fire scortch us, but when we come out…we are unscathed…and Jesus comes out with us.
    God Bless
    -Gia 🙂

  9. Wow, thats really amazing, the dream I mean..And I’m so sorry about your health..Mine wasn’t that bad, but when they didn’t know what was wrong it was so frustrating and scary..I’m happy for you that you are going to be starting a new life..I pray that it all goes wonderfully for you girl..
    *hugs* kritti

  10. Wow, your story is a tearjerker.  You and your husband- now that’s true love. 
    Thank you for sharing it. 
    Good luck with everything; I’m subscribing to your site, because I like your writing.
    Ps. Your pictures are beautiful.  You’re beautiful!

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